11 of the most entertaining celebrity meltdowns
Who doesn’t want fame and fortune? Even if you don’t want one, you definitely want the other. But once you get to that point and beyond, just how much is too much? At what point does the nonstop attention and ridiculous bank account cause you to start to lose your mind a bit? Now that some of the smoke from the Charlie Sheen time bomb has settled a bit, we at Guyism got to thinking… What have some of our favorite meltdowns (both mild and major) of the rich and famous been? Here’s what we came up with.
Photo credit: Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Department
11 Dave Chappelle
We’ll listen to any excuse he gives us, but running away to Africa and going completely MIA due to the pressure he felt from a fifty million dollar deal he received still classifies him as completely bonkers. If you get that much money thrown at you, you man up and work fifty million times harder than you were working before. You didn’t see Seth Macfarlane run for the hills when he got his 100 million dollar deal. With the Chappelle mindset, technically MacFarlane should’ve run off twice as fast (Yes. I did that math all by myself).
10 Christian Bale
Although it is dwarfed in comparison to others on this list, Christian Bale’s verbal berating of a crew member on the set of Terminator Salvation is three and half minutes of pure gold that should be revisited on a regular basis. The reason this meltdown is one of the lesser on the list is due to fellow meltdowner, Chris Brown’s expert opinion on the rant: “Yeah…I mean, Christian was mean and all, but my mother always taught me to use my fists instead of words whenever possible…I give it a 2.5.”*
*Disclaimer: Chris Brown never actually said this. I want to make that absolutely clear before he hits me.
9 Christina Aguilera
Christina Aguilera’s publicist has to be so thankful that her client chose to break down the same time as Charlie Sheen. For once, a major pop star’s divorce/arrest/racy leaked photo/weight gain/(insert any other embarrassing personal situation here) wasn’t front-page news. Despite all of the above, and also completely flubbing the national anthem during the most watched sporting event of the year, Aguilera still managed to land a gig as a judge on the upcoming competition American Idol wannabe, The Voice. She should send Sheen a Sparkletts truck full of Tiger Blood as a thank you immediately.
8 Chris Brown
Hot off the presses! Chris Brown, who will forever be infamous for his physical altercation with ex-girlfriend, Rihanna, snapped and trashed a dressing room over at Good Morning America just this week for being asked questions about… his physical altercation with ex-girlfriend, Rihanna. Apparently, Brown was “angry” about being asked about the thing he’s the best known for… his anger. Clearly the best way to prove to people that you are not violent is by smashing things.
7 Michael Richards
Oh Kramer… say it ain’t so! Everyone’s favorite wacky next door neighbor completely lost in on stage and went on a racist rant that has gone down in viral video infamy. He’s since awkwardly apologized publicly, as well as poked fun at the incident on Curb Your Enthusiasm, which I guess is the only way you can deal with such an incident. On the plus side, I bet after seeing the video, Mel Gibson bought tickets to all of his upcoming shows.
6 David Hasselhoff
How many of us have had the kind of week where all we want to do is get completely wasted, collapse on the floor, and absolutely devour a cheeseburger? We get it. We’ve been there. It’s just probably best not to do it when you’re a celebrity. Or when you’re around your children. Or you’re a recovering alcoholic. Or if camera phones have been invented. Or if YouTube exists. On the bright side, this is the most entertaining on-camera work that Hasselhoff has ever been a part of.
5 Randy Quaid
I guess of all the people on this list, Randy Quaid looks the part the most. I also use the term “celebrity” loosely on this one because I’m not sure if co-starring in 27 National Lampoon’s Vacation movies actually qualifies you as one. Along with his wife, Quaid has fled to Canada, not only to avoid felony charges on a $500,000 bench warrant in the U.S., but more importantly to avoid the “Star Whackers” – a group of assassins that he claims are taking out celebrities left and right. He even wrote and performed a song named after the group, which is obviously the best thing you can do when trying to remain anonymous and lay low. Here is your opportunity to watch a melodious meltdown live on stage:
4 Lindsay Lohan
It’s funny. All of the signs that the press claimed were “warning” signs during Lindsay’s meltdown are all of the signs we look for when picking up a girl at a bar. Venturing out sans underwear? Check. Partying a little too hard then she probably should be? Check. Making out with girls? Jackpot! The kleptomania might be a little much though. Make sure all of your stuff is bolted to the floor before you take this mess home with you.
3 Britney Spears
When one of the hottest women on the planet somehow ends up looking like Moby, I think it’s safe to say the girl has cracked. While Charlie Sheen’s weapon of choice was a machete, Britney chose to show off her freshly shaved head by waving an umbrella at paparazzi. You can’t blame her though. Anyone who had to listen to Kevin Federline rap for more than 30 seconds would easily snap and do the same.
2 Mel Gibson
Mel only recently got bumped to the #2 spot. If Charlie Sheen’s antics weren’t so damn lovable, Mel’s racist and misogynistic rants would still be basking in the glow of the #1 spot. He also loses a couple of points because in most of the recordings, it’s sometimes hard to make out exactly what he’s saying since his voice tends to get muffled while he’s wearing his hood.
1 Charlie Sheen
Of course he’s #1 on this list. Sheen has solidified himself as a pop culture icon with this most recent of celebrity meltdowns. The dude is clearly beyond nuts, but for some reason, he’s a lovable nut. Show me another celebrity who completely flipped out and turned it into a financial gain. Everyone is on the Charlie Sheen bandwagon right now. His tour has sold out and will net him at least seven million dollars. The other day, even my Grandma ended a 16 minute long story about a quiche she made with “Duh, winning!”. With lucrative business opportunities coming at him left and right, the man’s successfully upped the ante for celebrity meltdowns. Can’t wait to see who’s next.