Every week celebrities go on Twitter and speak their minds. Sometimes they’re funny, sometimes they’re thought-provoking, and sometimes we don’t know what they’re talking about. This list is all of that and more. Strap in. It could get bumpy.
Photo credit: eldh, Flickr
You might think the worst thing you could hear would be the sound of your parents humping, but it's actually 'No Surprises' by Radiohead.
— Brandon McCarthy (@BMcCarthy32) August 12, 2013
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Poor Radiohead.
I assume my suicide note will read, "The shower curtain touched my naked body, it didn't have to be this way. Goodbye, cruel world."
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) August 12, 2013
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And no one would blame you.
Apparently not washing one's hair for 4 days does not lead to sweet dreadlocks. #science
— Michelle Beadle (@MichelleDBeadle) August 12, 2013
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Good to know.
Do trolls even live under bridges anymore? Or have they all relocated to the Internet?
— Amy Weber (@TherealAmyWeber) August 12, 2013
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The Internet. And Washington D.C.
Spiders are the cats of bugs.
— Kristen Schaal (@kristenschaaled) August 12, 2013
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Solid analogy.
I've been going to the gym a lot to fill my water bottle.
— Gillian Jacobs (@GillianJacobs) August 12, 2013
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I hear they have good water there.
If a guy doesn’t pay for dinner I look at him like Butthead watching the music video for Creep.
— Melissa Stetten (@MelissaStetten) August 13, 2013
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Just a heads up, fellas.
I don't understand what this Kendrick Lamar shit is but I am absolutely POSITIVE I am already caring too much
— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) August 13, 2013
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You and thousands of others.
After waiting 1800 odd minutes…. Candy crush, I am back!
— Danica Patrick (@DanicaPatrick) August 13, 2013
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Danica doesn’t know how to cheat.
Where can I get a little alien to drive my brain for a day, saying and doing all the right things?
— Kari Byron (@KariByron) August 13, 2013
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Yes, please share, people.
Confession- Debating about downloading candy crush, just so I can play it once and make fun of others who are somehow addicted to it.
— Brad Keselowski (@keselowski) August 13, 2013
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He just wants to make fun of Danica.
Just heard TGT ! FUCK ! IT’S NOT EVEN THE RIGHT FUCKING VERSION!!! WHY DO PPL THINK THIS KINDA LEAKING SHIT IS OK ! I’m so Fg DISSAPOINTED
— Cher (@cher) August 13, 2013
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Cher has quite a temper.
Dear men who wear cologne, I should not be able to smell you from down the block. Thanks, bye!
— Katrina Bowden (@KatrinaKBowden) August 13, 2013
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Another heads up, guys.
I don't have internet hooked up, so I've been using Verizon's LTE network, just like my forefathers used to do.
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) August 13, 2013
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How did they even live back then?
_. ## #d##@
— Ryan Lochte (@ryanlochte) August 13, 2013
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Next week: Ryan tries to form words.
Is RGIII the black Johnny Manziel? Or is Manziel the white RGIII? Or is RGIII the new Rosa Parks? #humpdayquestions
— Jason Whitlock (@WhitlockJason) August 14, 2013
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Quit it, you’re making my head spin.
A sinkhole opened up in the ground near Disney World. The line to get in it is already 4 hours long.
— Stephen Colbert (@StephenAtHome) August 14, 2013
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He’s not joking.
Breakfast was invented because we all just want dessert the moment we wake up.
— josh groban (@joshgroban) August 14, 2013
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What’s your point?
My emergency contact is whoever would not tell my mom.
— Alison Forns (@alisonforns) August 14, 2013
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Solid choice.
1st selfie #selfie pic.twitter.com/dM5u5Rwfz2
— PRINCE 3RDEYEGIRL (@3rdeyegirl) August 14, 2013
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Oh god, not you too, Prince.
He'll be fine… Tom fucking Brady RT @ocnnreport: Tom Brady Tweaks Knee, Leaves Practice http://t.co/mMfDGKsAD1 pic.twitter.com/s2xkMNHIo4
— Chad Johnson (@ochocinco) August 14, 2013
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And he was right!
Did New Orleans decide to make their cabs look like cop cars as a way to scare the f*ck out of drunk tourists?
— Gillian Jacobs (@GillianJacobs) August 14, 2013
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That’d be cool if it was the actual reason.
How about a ceiling fan with brakes so I don’t have to stand there for 10 seconds wondering if I actually turned it off.
— Amy Weber (@TherealAmyWeber) August 15, 2013
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Best idea all week.
Two words for Arod and all the other juicers: Hank Motherfucking Aaron. Know what his secret was? Red meat and hard work, bitch.
— Denis Leary (@denisleary) August 15, 2013
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Yeah, bitch.
Darren Young the gay, I respect him for he honest
— The Iron Sheik (@the_ironsheik) August 15, 2013
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The gay.
Still waiting for buzzfeed to post Schindler's list.
— Nate Fernald (@natefernald) August 15, 2013
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Don’t worry, it’s coming.
When someone gives me something free unexpectedly I can't help but look at them like they've just thrown shit at me
— Holly Peers (@HollyJadePeers) August 16, 2013
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One final heads up, kids.