Every week celebrities go on Twitter and speak their minds. Sometimes they’re funny, sometimes they’re thought-provoking, and sometimes we don’t know what they’re talking about. This list is all of that and more. Strap in. It could get bumpy.
Katy Perry is on a Cover Girl commercial talking about "What's on the inside." She may not get a Grammy, but she's taking home an Irony
— Paula Poundstone (@paulapoundstone) January 27, 2014
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Bewbs.
"Please don't make me go onstage again." — Pharrell's hat. #GRAMMYs
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) January 27, 2014
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Even the hat was embarassed.
Jared Leto is rushing due to being late for his jesus look alike contest in san Diego tonite. Top prize gets water wings n wine.
— Kathleen Madigan (@kathleenmadigan) January 27, 2014
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Maybe he IS Jesus.
"Well, your mom & I got married at the 2014 Grammys. Madonna was dressed as Boss Hogg. So, yeah, we're divorcing." #GRAMMYs
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) January 27, 2014
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Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Woke up feeling like how Steven Tyler looked last night.
— Tim Siedell (@badbanana) January 27, 2014
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He did look a little rough.
Our kids biggest challenge will be to find a username that’s not already taken.
— Amy Weber (@TherealAmyWeber) January 27, 2014
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No joke.
Invented a word the other day while speaking to my beau: "Legiterally." Legit and literally mashed together. Genius slip of the tongue.
— Alyssa Campanella (@AlyssCampanella) January 27, 2014
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I am legiterally using that word sometime.
An email from parents: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: Obama's a Muslim
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) January 27, 2014
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Love those.
"Single… With Parents" #SadTVShows
— Alyssa Milano (@Alyssa_Milano) January 28, 2014
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Where’s that sitcom?
Did I miss the Super Bowl?
— Michelle Beadle (@MichelleDBeadle) January 28, 2014
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Not possible.
It's the annual day of the year where it's fun to count how many times Deion Sanders references Deion Sanders. Bet the over.
— Richard Deitsch (@richarddeitsch) January 28, 2014
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Solid odds on that wager.
Quick Reminder: Cheap toilet paper is not a bargain
— RuPaul (@RuPaul) January 28, 2014
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Words of wisdom from Mama Ru.
Does there exist the scenario where someone walks into a coffee shop bathroom and doesn't poop?
— erinn hayes (@hayeslady) January 28, 2014
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No. And they use cheap toilet paper too.
Evander Holyfield says homosexuality is a handicap. How great for gay guys! You sleep with really hot men and get the best parking spots!
— Joan Rivers (@Joan_Rivers) January 28, 2014
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Being gay just keeps geting better and better.
My last question. Do you have to have a speech impediment to get hired at CNN. Serioussly thisss isss a pet pevbe of mine.
— Kathleen Madigan (@kathleenmadigan) January 29, 2014
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She’s broken their hiring code.
I like a girl who is confident in her insecurities.
— DC (@DaneCook) January 29, 2014
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I’m not sure that’s a joke.
When I'm president Netflix will only stream rocky 1-6 & Rambo 1-4. #worldchamp4prez #sotu
— Judah Friedlander (@JudahWorldChamp) January 29, 2014
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He’s got my vote.
I would like to make a rule that you can't post more then four instagram photos in the same outfit
— Whitney Cummings (@WhitneyCummings) January 29, 2014
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Instagram rule #4,329.
now bobby if you don't learn your Roman numerals you will never know what Super Bowl it is but you could still be wildly successful in life
— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) January 29, 2014
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But really, what kind of life would it be?
I would stick my tongue down the throat of the person that could magically make the car deciding experience less miserable and complicated.
— Meghan McCain (@MeghanMcCain) January 30, 2014
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She probably shouldn’t have made that offer.
Any show with a laugh track is not funny
— alexandria morgan (@AlexandriaMorgz) January 30, 2014
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Is this true?
My favorite part of cheese popcorn is how it has the same effect on your fingers as it does your self esteem.
— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) January 30, 2014
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Mmmm, cheese popcorn.
Hey @comcast. I'm watching @Morning_Joe on @msnbc. It's terrible. I checked the connections. Should I try unplugging it from the wall?
— Andy Kindler (@AndyKindler) January 30, 2014
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They’ll be with you shortly to assist.
"I've always appreciated the hospitality that Packers Country gives a Bears fan." —President Obama #OpportunityForAll
— Barack Obama (@BarackObama) January 30, 2014
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Troll on, POTUS. Troll on.
I wish there was somewhere I could go in Jersey this weekend to sit in the freezing cold and watch men wrestle.
— Zach Braff (@zachbraff) January 30, 2014
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Have I got good news for you.
I'm the anxiety you get when you've gone to the bathroom without your phone.
— RainnWilson (@rainnwilson) January 30, 2014
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Sound familiar to anyone?
Los Angeles is cold today. I had to put a Speedo on over my thong.
— Nick Swardson (@NickSwardson) January 30, 2014
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I just shivered – and I am not cold.
How many women have begged their men to take Viagra just because side effects may include "death"?
— josh groban (@joshgroban) January 30, 2014
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Gotta be at least 10%, right?
Queen Elizabeth is in financial trouble. How do you go broke when your face is on the money?
— Conan O'Brien (@ConanOBrien) January 30, 2014
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That’s a damn good question.
Ran around in the rain tonight(across a parking lot to my car)
— Kat Dennings (@OfficialKat) January 31, 2014
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Still counts.
Candy Crush is a good name for a stripper.
— Zach Braff (@zachbraff) January 31, 2014
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It probably already is.
Who win super bowl? The Denver or the Seattle?
— The Iron Sheik (@the_ironsheik) January 30, 2014
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Have a great weekend, everybody!