Every week celebrities go on Twitter and speak their minds. Sometimes they’re funny, sometimes they’re thought-provoking, and sometimes we don’t know what they’re talking about. This list is all of that and more. Strap in. It could get bumpy.
Photo credit: eldh, Flickr
Rather than retire Larry Fitzgerald's number, I'd love to see #Pitt dedicate millions in research dollars to clone him. Good egg…
— Bonnie Bernstein (@BonnieBernstein) September 3, 2013
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I’d clone Jennifer Lawrence, but that’s just me.
I've been in LA all of 20 minutes and I've already seen 17 white girls wearing fedoras.
— Josh Barnett (@JoshLBarnett) September 3, 2013
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It’s an epidemic.
Thank goodness for Instagram and twitter and emails and games- otherwise my god we'd have to actually talk to one another
— P!nk (@Pink) September 3, 2013
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I don’t know how people in the 80s survived.
U know those people who "don't give a fuck?" Yeah, I'm not one of them.
— JoJo (@JoJoistheway) September 3, 2013
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Part of a rare breed these days.
Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab. St
— CM Punk (@CMPunk) September 3, 2013
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ab.
Cherish the people who actually give a fuck about you
— Anastasia Ashley (@AnastasiaAshley) September 3, 2013
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JoJo is one of those people apparently.
Just had a 15 second panic attack watching an Instagram video of burning man.
— Melissa Stetten (@MelissaStetten) September 3, 2013
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Those really should come with a warning.
You guys, pressure is off. We don't have to Instagram EVERYTHING.
— Jesse Tyler Ferguson (@jessetyler) September 3, 2013
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I am so posting this to my Instagram account.
Following someone on Twitter & complaining about their tweets is like secretly stalking someone & telling them they're going the wrong way.
— Ricky Gervais (@rickygervais) September 3, 2013
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That’s such a dumb tweet. (Wonder what he’ll say next?)
"When your breasts brush my genitals/It's all tits-ball-wood/And when I cum too soon/You say 'it's all good.'" #frommyupcomingsonnet
— Dino Stamatopoulos (@DinosThirdTwitt) September 3, 2013
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I think we may have a potential hit on our hands.
Ariel Castro just heard Ben Affleck is playing Batman.
— rob delaney (@robdelaney) September 4, 2013
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(stifles laugh)
Ariel Castro killed himself in prison. What a perfect way to end an already incredible day!!
— Dane Cook (@DaneCook) September 4, 2013
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It really was a nice topper.
They must be SCRAMBLING to fill the suddenly-open slot on DANCING WITH THE STARS before the cast announcement tomorrow.
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) September 4, 2013
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Refer to the two previous tweets and then you’ll get it.
Called my mom and told her I'm sick today. She said, "You probably got sick because you wrote mean things about Paula Deen on the Twitter."
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) September 4, 2013
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Mom knows.
When u get a new iPhone do you have to re log into twitter?
— Hunter (Haley) King (@HunterHaleyKing) September 4, 2013
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SMH. Celebrities…
It's SO freakin hot in LA that I want to hunt people down and behead bad drivers … not a good time to F with me..:)
— Kirstie Alley (@kirstiealley) September 4, 2013
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Beware an angry Kirstie Alley on the road.
It's spelled "too," Goober #YouWillEnjoy4thGrade RT @JasonLaird3 I'd make jokes about my hair to if mine looked as bad as yours.
— Keith Olbermann (@KeithOlbermann) September 4, 2013
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Troll mission accomplished.
I don’t get older. I level up.
— Amy Weber (@TherealAmyWeber) September 5, 2013
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Genius.
If you don't use exclamation points in your texts messages, I'm just gonna go ahead and assume that you hate me, & we are no longer friends.
— Brooklyn Decker (@BrooklynDecker) September 5, 2013
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Duly! Noted! Brooklyn!
Brooklyn is doing a great job today in the "ladies I'd like to pork" department.
— Michael Ian Black (@michaelianblack) September 5, 2013
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Is he referring to the city or the woman in the previous tweet?
@Alyssa_Milano JUST out of curiosity, are there any alternate cuts or angles of that sex tape? (I’m a film student.)
— rob delaney (@robdelaney) September 5, 2013
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Don’t encourage her, Rob.
Haven't tweeted in over a week. Jealous?
— Nate Fernald (@natefernald) September 5, 2013
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Yes.
"I wonder what Pat Robertson thinks?" Something no sane person has ever said.
— Adam McKay (@GhostPanther) September 5, 2013
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Key word there: sane.
if you don't love football please get off twitter for the next four months. no one wants to hear it, you communist.
— daniel tosh (@danieltosh) September 5, 2013
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Seriously, get off Twitter.
Peyton's got seven touchdowns. That's cool. Brady married a supermodel and lives in a house with a freaking moat: http://t.co/leWLaOfYPZ
— Jeff Passan (@JeffPassan) September 6, 2013
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Win: Brady.
11 AM. Time for bed.
— Andy Kindler (@AndyKindler) September 5, 2013
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Good night everybody!