Every week celebrities go on Twitter and speak their minds. Sometimes they’re funny, sometimes they’re thought-provoking, and sometimes we don’t know what they’re talking about. This list is all of that and more. Strap in. It could get bumpy.
Related: The 50 most entertaining celebrities to follow on Twitter.
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Jesus loves famous people best
— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) April 21, 2014
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Happy Easter.
Lock your doors tonight, the Easter bunny may come back for sloppy seconds.
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) April 21, 2014
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Scary thought.
Would a transformer buy life insurance or car insurance?
— Amy Weber (@TherealAmyWeber) April 21, 2014
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Legit question.
It's an accepted fact that hotdogs contain insects and rodent hair, but Kraft is recalling 96,000 lbs. because they have cheese in them.
— Paula Poundstone (@paulapoundstone) April 21, 2014
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But what’s in the cheese?
Why doesn't anyone ever wish for ANOTHER genie lamp. Technically that's not "more wishes."
— Ben Schwartz (@rejectedjokes) April 21, 2014
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Also a legit question.
Hello @MileyCyrus how are your strawberry tits? #sheikmovie
— The Iron Sheik (@the_ironsheik) April 21, 2014
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I don’t even…
Males must cease sex
— Roseanne Barr (@therealroseanne) April 21, 2014
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With you? Not a problem.
Camped out at CVS so I can beat the rush for half-priced Peeps.
— Conan O'Brien (@ConanOBrien) April 21, 2014
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Genius move.
Controversial opinion: adults should not use the word "bummer.
— Mindy Kaling (@mindykaling) April 21, 2014
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Bummer.
Hellooooo Hollywood!!!! I'm here and I have been drinking!!!! Bitch…
— Blake Shelton (@blakeshelton) April 21, 2014
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Yeah, bitch…
If I could get an animal to do something spontaneous and heart warming in front of a couple 69'ing I could rule the Internet.
— Adam McKay (@GhostPanther) April 22, 2014
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We all need goals in life.
Didn't the kid who hid in wheel well of plane think in advance "What about oxygen? Or freezing temperatures? Or Instagram updates?"
— Emile Hirsch (@EmileHirsch) April 22, 2014
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That would have been the ultimate selfie.
I get sooo excited when I see that Chris Brown is trending on Twitter because I hope it means some woman kicked his ass.
— Jen Kirkman (@JenKirkman) April 22, 2014
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One can always hope.
i swear to god my dick is getting smaller
— James Deen (@JamesDeen) April 22, 2014
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This man is not lacking in confidence.
Rough easter nite. Had a date and i got too drunk. Wound with with Peeps dick. Happens to everyone once in awhile. #marshmallow #nsfw
— David Spade (@DavidSpade) April 23, 2014
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Peeps dick. He’s joking, right?
Multitasking a duck face and a mirror selfie pic.twitter.com/7qt1cQic3W
— Anastasia Ashley (@AnastasiaAshley) April 23, 2014
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Best multitasking ever.
ICYMI: Dave and Stephen Colbert (@StephenAtHome) took a selfie. #LSDL pic.twitter.com/jktc4Mznrq
— Letterman (@Letterman) April 23, 2014
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Classic.
If you come home after a night out and don't eat at least three snack crackers before bed then I don't want to know you.
— erinn hayes (@hayeslady) April 23, 2014
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For reals.
That Windows ad where the woman admits that "I'm the boss" followed by the lyrics "I want to see you be brave" isn't at all patronizing
— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) April 23, 2014
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But the song is so cool.
Happy birthday, William Shakespeare! If you were alive today, you’d be terrifying.
— Joshua Malina (@JoshMalina) April 23, 2014
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No kidding.
AOL email accounts have been hacked, severely compromising our nation's supply of heartwarming forwards from our grandmothers!
— Stephen Colbert (@StephenAtHome) April 23, 2014
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Those hackers…such animals.
We're already a pretty dumb society. Having us say 'framily' can't possible be helping.
— Michelle Beadle (@MichelleDBeadle) April 23, 2014
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But how did they combine the words?
Everyone should just post a pic of their butthole online right now so no one can ever shame/blackmail anyone in the future.
— rob delaney (@robdelaney) April 23, 2014
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You mean everyone hasn’t already?
See you there! RT @Alyssa_Milano: Doing a cover shoot for Fit Pregnancy today! Woot!
— rob delaney (@robdelaney) April 23, 2014
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Now that’s funny.
Ive always considered myself a WWE fan first and foremost but Im completely confused Y some fans cant differentiate between SHOW and REALITY
— Dave Bautista (@DaveBautista) April 23, 2014
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Umm, Dave? Have you met most wrestling fans?
The Canadian middle class is now earning more than the American middle class. What hurts even more is that they're being so modest about it!
— Bette Midler (@BetteMidler) April 23, 2014
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Stupid polite Canadians.
I just saw Under The Skin. FANTASTIC film but I will NOT be getting in any unmarked vans with Scarlett Johansson ever again. Done with it.
— josh groban (@joshgroban) April 24, 2014
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I’m still down.
Wait a minute, nice guys even finish at all?
— Emile Hirsch (@EmileHirsch) April 24, 2014
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Who knew?
I love being able to talk to my mom everyday. #noihavenotbeenhacked
— Michelle Beadle (@MichelleDBeadle) April 24, 2014
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Moms rule.
Getting ready to hit the airport blasting Migos in my headphones with a fleshlight in my carry on.
— Hannibal Buress (@hannibalburess) April 24, 2014
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Bet he isn’t the only one.
I like to think of myself less like "an adult" and more like a "former fetus."
— Anna Kendrick (@AnnaKendrick47) April 24, 2014
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Solid way of thinking.
Chick at gym asking for my number,
im at least 10 years older than you,
grow up
…and find me on Craigs List
LIKE AN ADULT
— Dolph Ziggler (@HEELZiggler) April 24, 2014
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Girls these days…
All your of your Instagram pics of food might explain why you're skinnier in your Throwback Thursday pictures.
— Jamie Kennedy (@JamieKennedy) April 24, 2014
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Food for thought.
When you put on those flip flops and sweatpants for travel think of others and what they have to look at.
— Jen Kirkman (@JenKirkman) April 25, 2014
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Excellent travel tip.
“@RondaRousey: The #4Horsewomen feature is finally done http://t.co/nqaTm7p5Iy pic.twitter.com/s6NlxMf7uD”
Need a manager? Hall of Fame resume.
— Jim Ross (@JRsBBQ) April 25, 2014
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Some day, Jim, some day.
what's going on in the lakers game!? i don't have espn classic.
— daniel tosh (@danieltosh) April 25, 2014
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Ouch.
I drank too much coffee today. Whiskey is a good way to counteract that, right?
— Seth Rogen (@Sethrogen) April 25, 2014
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Yes.
happy birthday to the Mushroom tits Barbara Streisand #sheikmovie
— The Iron Sheik (@the_ironsheik) April 24, 2014
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Have a great weekend, everybody!