Please Listen To This Bloodied Alabama Fan’s Case On Why Should Be Let Into The Bar After Being Slugged In The Face
The only thing worse than your team losing at the very last second in the National Championship is AIDS. And genocide. And the Greyhound bus station on Christmas Eve. And being forced to watch your dad boning your mom doggy style on an IMAX screen. With them sitting on either side of you. And somewhere in the 1,237,873 range of worse things that can happen after a tough loss is getting blasted in the face, ruining the only shirt you own, making a failed plea to get back into the bar, and be humiliated on the internet the next day.
Please watch the aforementioned scenario unfold below.
The golf shirt tucked into light jeans is the official outfit of domestic violence.
Gotta love the “I know the bouncer” play. It’s every girl in America’s last ditch effort to make everyone forget she can’t form coherent sentences. Works 100% of the time, 4% of the time.
Many of you are probably thinking this dude is slurring his words because he’s drunk, but you try speaking when your teeth fell out from natural causes before you were legally old enough to bang your cousin.
This girl’s advice couldn’t be more real: “No one deserves anything. It just happens.” I think that’s going to be my next tattoo.
Moral of the story: Learning to take a loss is a good lesson in football and in life. Now clean yourself up, bro. Your sister’s horny.
[h/t Busted Coverage]