Auburn Freshman QB Zeke Pike Arrested for Drinking Alcohol
Clearly this guy needs to be kicked off the team for drinking alcohol at 19 years old. Simply an unforgivable crime, the magnitude of which we have never seen before. It's a good thing he wasn't drinking alcohol in any other country in the western world–the penalty would've been much more severe. Instead of getting arrested, he would've been admitted into a bar no questions asked, would've drank more alcohol, and probably would've brought some jersey-chaser home for some after-hours funtime. No way we could've had that. Way too damaging.
[H/T: Busted Coverage]