It’s going to be a long, long season for Ohio State football.
First, Braxton Miller goes down for the season and now the marching band is having trouble for playing music about going down.
Marching Band Director Jonathan Waters was fired a few months ago after a two-month investigation by the university. The administration felt that the marching band, under Waters direction, had a very “sexualized culture.” If you’re confused about that terminology, it’s a nice way of saying “girls named Squirt were giving lap dances while pretending to orgasm” and another young lass “pretending to be a human vibrator.” There’s much more where those came from.
Waters was let go and the band had to start from scratch. They already scrapped a performance that was two years in the making and are being forced to bring back old routines and songs from previous seasons. Music publishers aren’t allowing Ohio State to use their songs because of the alleged hazing and sex acts. You know, because it wouldn’t be good to tarnish the clean and wholesome image that is “today’s hit music.”
“Hello, Mr. Derulo, it’s THE Ohio State University marching band and we’re curious if it would be OK to incorporate your song Talk Dirty into our halftime show. Yes, Ohio State. Hello? Hello?”
It’s a damn shame really because the OSU marching band was entertaining as hell. Check out this performance from 2013 where the entire band formed a giant T-rex and played the theme music from Jurassic Park. If you look close enough, ol’ Squirt is pretending to be Jeff Goldblum.
H/T NBC 4