UCSD Dean Killed by Trampling Elephant on African Vacation
By now, I have a surprisingly robust track record at BroBible in calling animals out on their shit. Raccoons are dog-attacking douchers. Snakes will bite your penis while you're peeing. Killer whales will murder you EVERYWHERE. Nature is frightening.
And elephants—despite their circus acts, Republican affiliation, and resemblance to Dumbo—aren't cuddly creatures. They charge cars and humans all the time in Africa and Asia, and it's thought that up to 500 people are trampled each year by these enormous brutes.
So, the moral: Say the fuck away from elephants. Go play with your dog instead.