30 Ways You Know You’re a College Student in 2014
1. There’s a snowball’s chance in hell you’re ever going to class if the lecture slides are online.
2. Blind speed swiping on Tinder while drunk and alone isn’t the worst idea for a Friday night.
3. The most cherished memories often come in a two-second Snapchat of your friends looking disgusting.
4. Class GoogleDocs for exams are God’s greatest gift to Earth.
5. It doesn’t feel like your phone anymore when the cracked touchscreen is finally replaced.
6. Your roommates friend request your smokin’ hot professors while you’re in the bathroom.
7. Your proudest moments are their rare acceptances.
8. The toilet is always broken. Always.
9. The trash is always full. Always.
10. The mini fridge is never empty. Ever.
11. Warning: all living room furniture is susceptible to destruction/incineration.
12. Win or lose, #11 will likely occur after a sporting event.
13. Poking your roommate’s mom on Facebook is a weird ongoing prank that will never cease.
14. Classes in which electronics are prohibited make you want to kick a small child in the chest.
15. If the weather is shit, Saturdays are filled with self-loathing and HBO binging.
16. If the weather is half-decent, Saturdays are filled with porch chilling and beer binging.
17. Followed by Sundays of self-loathing and HBO binging.
18. Printing out and physically handing in homework is much bigger hassle than it should be.
19. Your roommates discuss King McConaughey I’s filmography at least once a day.
20. GTA V has been the only game in the communal Xbox 360 for five months now.
21. Girls are secondary to getting hammered with your boys.
22. Always account for variable change in #21.
23. Googling synonyms in order to authenticate articulation is wontedly effectuated.
24. The most absurd moments of your day can be exemplified through Spongebob memes.
25. Flappy Bird has made you uncontrollably exclaim “Fuck!” at least once in a large lecture hall.
26. The fact that it’s 2014 does not minimize the relevance of your N64 by any means.
27. You mindlessly troll Reddit more than you study.
28. You mindlessly peruse Facebook more than you study.
29. You drink to mindlessness more than you study.
30. You read wildly mediocre lists more than you study.
A-Mac is a regular columnist for BroBible.