10 Video Games Every Bro Needs For College
Call of Duty
Consider it team building. Link up online and play with your fellow bros during the day, and at night, you have an entirely new level of communication. Cute girls sitting at the bar? Better go up on the right flank with the Alpha team and….ok so maybe not that excessive, but at the very least when your wingman gives you the sign that you’re wasting your time on a girl, you’ll trust him. He did just save your virtual life before. Playing zombies with your bros could help if this keeps happening.
“Shall we fif, gents?” is one of the most uttered phrases at college campus across this glorious country, second only to “I can definitely out drink all you p*ssies”. FIFA has the unique ability to both boost your confidence, and completely break you. Scoring an amazing goal with minutes left in regulation, only to have it called back because your player was offside, has made even the strongest man shed a tear. If you want to real experience, turn the Spanish commentary on.
“Soccer isn’t even an American sport”. The phrase uttered by the bro who’s just had his FIFA dreams crushed when Ronaldo’s perfect kick went off the cross bar for the third time. What’s a good, American sport? Football. Being the best Madden player amongst your friends give you inalienable bragging rights….that is until you graduate college when that kind of thing becomes meaningless. Everybody has made fun of somebody for “asking Madden” when it came to a big spot. The Hail Mary pass with time expiring, into a crowded end zone that’s tipped and then caught for the win, is responsible for creating more believers in god (or disbelievers if you’re on the losing end) than the Holy Bible itself.
You better still have your N64 from back in the day. If you’ve never openly threatened somebody’s life over a video game, you’ve clearly never played this gem. Mario Party has caused more people to lose friends than losing touch when going away to college. According to an extensive Google search, it has yet to end a marriage, but that day is no doubt coming. Innocent enough concept; it’s just a video game version of a board game with a few fun challenges along the way, right? WRONG. In the game you have the option to steal another player’s stars. You want to eat his food? Bang his girlfriend? Fine. If you steal his star, however, it’s on like Donkey Kong (pun very much intended).
Game to 21, played on blacktop asphalt, no rules. With “serving dinner” dunks and off-the-heezy passes, NBA Street offered everything NBA Live and 2k games didn’t, including a great soundtrack. It’s a great game to play if you’re trying to kill 10 minutes, or an entire night. Simple but fun, this game is the least stressful sports-based game available.
Mario Kart 64
Another staple of the Nintendo 64 collection, Mario Kart is a pretty decent go-cart racing game on it’s own. Obviously, there’s a pretty solid drinking game that you can play too. It’s called “Drunk Driving” and the objective is to finish your beer can of beer before the race ends. You have to stop driving when you drink, some tracks, like rainbow road, make this easier, some like the a**hole ice kingdom are a little harder. At the end of the day, you’re consuming a lot of beer at an accelerated rate. In some circles if a beer isn’t finished, the beer has to be poured on that person’s head, but why waste a perfectly good beer? Chug it.
Grand Theft Auto
Were you just having a legendary night at a house party, getting it in with the smokeshow from your sociology class, when all of a sudden, the 5-0 roll up, and it’s every man for himself to get out as fast as possible. Your girl is gone, and you’re in a bad mood. You can’t do anything to the cops who broke up the party, because you know, it’s illegal, stupid. All of your frustrations can be taken out on the law enforcement and civilians of Liberty City. Arm yourself with a controller and a sheet of cheat codes, and let the massacre commence, because nothing is more fun than killing 500 virtual people and having no repercussions, which is a stark contrast to killing actual people. Don’t do that.
The only acceptable version of this game to play is the one for the Nintendo 64, naturally. What’s not to love about the god-awful graphics, confusing maps, dizzying game play, and…and the f*cking golden gun. This game can provide hours of fun on a rainy weekend. Playing as a 2-D secret agent with no real objectives, except trying to kill the people you’re playing with using guns with god-awful aim. When you die, your part of the screen is slowly covered in the fakest looking blood since Curt Schilling's sock.
Cool guns and sh*t. What other games can you stick a grenade on somebody and watch them explode? Futuristic guns, vehicles that hover, all with the capabilities of playing online and getting out sh*t-talked and smoked by a 13-year old. F*ck that kid though, you’re internet was lagging, dorm internet blows. The fact that you know you get more p*ssy than that kid doesn't quite seem to make you feel better after he's just killed you for the umpteenth time.
Super Smash Brothers
Get 3 friends and cancel all your plans for the rest of the day, it’s time for smash. The greatest game you ever had to blow into to get to work. The games get disconcertingly competitive, considering they’re made for children. Pick a character, put 5 minutes on the clock and go at it. Just don’t be the guy that does the same move over and over again. Unless it’s the Falcon punch, you can ALWAYS Falcon punch.