While we wait for the next President to finally come through on their promise of making the Monday after the Super Bowl a national holiday, we’ve gone ahead and ranked the best made-up – fake as Drake – fictional as shitsicles – holidays from TV shows that everyone should be celebrating. Call out sick, take the day, play hooky, do what you gotta do to get in the spirit. Or don’t and die alone, homey.
You should never need an excuse to party, but these holidays definitely help lube up your social circle’s reluctance to bring the ruckus. You might even get lucky. Science and numbers show that people are more DTF around the holidays. More holidays = more hookups = more miracles (of the non-child-birth variety). And, if you convince your office to throw a party for it, you can bask in the awkward excellence of the morning after.
Face it. Real holidays are falling by the wayside. There’s a war on Christmas. Some people think St. Patrick’s Day is racist. Before you know it, we’re installing safety nets outside windows because some genetically malfunctioning people hate fun. It’s high time we put these fake holidays into real practice.
Lastly, I’d feel like a Happy Meal without a toy if I didn’t rattle off some honorable mentions:
Half-Christmas from Workaholics
Merlinpeen, the Verdukian Holiday of Mouth Pleasures, from 30 Rock
Chrismukkah from The O.C.
Weasel Stomping Day from Weird Al Yankovich’s album “Straight Outta Lynwood” and featured on Adult Swim’s Robot Chicken