Watch Britney Spears Pause Her Concert To Let Us Know She’s Looking For A Guy With A Big Hog

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Welp, the cacks out the bag, bros–Britney Spears is looking for a hot bookworm with a Louisville Slugger. Do you meet all three requirements? I’m sure Britney’s willing to make exceptions considering her ex Kevin Federline doesn’t strike me as a real teacher’s pet.

P.S. Really gotta tip my cap to Britney. Almost every indication a couple years back pointed to her going over the deep end, but the 34-year-old looks like she’s in a good spot and just searching for an anaconda dick. She’s really become a woman of simple pleasures and I admire that about her.

#SexySunday

A photo posted by Britney Spears (@britneyspears) on

Consider this my official RSVP to the show, @peopleschoice!! 😉 See you on January 6th! #PCAs

A photo posted by Britney Spears (@britneyspears) on

#SexySunday 📷 by @glennnutley

A photo posted by Britney Spears (@britneyspears) on

[h/t TMZ]

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Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.