Babes, Boobs, And Butts: Dan Bilzerian’s Year In Review Video Will Make Your Life Feel Meaningless

by 11 months ago

I’m not ashamed to admit that if a genie appeared out of a Bud Light bottle and asked me if I would drop everything to trade lives with Dan Bilzerian, it wouldn’t even be a decision. Sorry mom and dad, thanks for providing me with literally everything I have, but for all intents and purposes, I’ve passed away. I’ll be on a yacht in Maldives with girls who can’t spell their own name but know exactly how to spell MDMA. Dad, you of all people should understand, especially after you peep Bilzerian’s Year In Review video he posted to his 20 million Instagram followers.

If you hate seeing me do well, 2017 gonna be another fucked up year for you-JH 🎼@bag_raiders

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And hey pops, if you’re still bitter about me trading lives with a stranger and spitting in the face of everything you’ve ever worked for, consider these stats: in a recent interview with Joe Rogan, Bilzerian admitted to having sex nine times in one day, sexing 16 girls in 12 days in France, and owning a private jet, countless cars, and a few houses. But dad, if you’re more of a visual guy, I got you:

America is rioting in the streets over the election, in other news, weed is now legal in Nevada

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Good morning

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My team said to post more conservative things so we can get big money from brands, but fuck that, imma just keep livin

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Headed to Vegas, shoutout to @captain514 for being rich and letting me fly his helicopter around Montreal

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"Tip the world over on its side and everything loose will land in Los Angeles." – Frank Lloyd Wright

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Ma and Dad, feel free to sell my Beanie Baby collection. Them shits are vintage and you could probably score a pretty penny. Don’t say I never done nothin’ for ya.


TAGSDan Bilzerian

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