Babes, Boobs, And Butts: Dan Bilzerian’s Year In Review Video Will Make Your Life Feel Meaningless
I’m not ashamed to admit that if a genie appeared out of a Bud Light bottle and asked me if I would drop everything to trade lives with Dan Bilzerian, it wouldn’t even be a decision. Sorry mom and dad, thanks for providing me with literally everything I have, but for all intents and purposes, I’ve passed away. I’ll be on a yacht in Maldives with girls who can’t spell their own name but know exactly how to spell MDMA. Dad, you of all people should understand, especially after you peep Bilzerian’s Year In Review video he posted to his 20 million Instagram followers.
And hey pops, if you’re still bitter about me trading lives with a stranger and spitting in the face of everything you’ve ever worked for, consider these stats: in a recent interview with Joe Rogan, Bilzerian admitted to having sex nine times in one day, sexing 16 girls in 12 days in France, and owning a private jet, countless cars, and a few houses. But dad, if you’re more of a visual guy, I got you:
Ma and Dad, feel free to sell my Beanie Baby collection. Them shits are vintage and you could probably score a pretty penny. Don’t say I never done nothin’ for ya.