‘Game Of Thrones’ Recap: Review Of Season 5 Episode 1’s ‘The Wars To Come’

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Helen Sloan/HBO


Well guys, if you’re reading this then chances are you just finished watching ‘Game of Thrones’ Season 5, Episode 1 ‘The Wars to Come’ and your head is completely spinning at the moment. Don’t worry though, I’ll help you make sense of it all in the first Game of Thrones recap of the season by going through all of the Winners and Losers from ‘The Wars to Come’.

But before we jump into everything that happened in ‘The Wars to Come’, I just have to ask: can you believe it’s been ten months since we first saw the Game of Thrones Season 4 finale ‘The Children’?!

When we last left off we saw Arya stark riding off into the distance on a ship headed to Braavos (one of the ‘free cities’ located on the continent of Essos). Tryion Lannister was fleeing King’s Landing after just killing his powerful father, the great Tywin Lannister. Bran Stark had FINALLY found the ‘three-eyed raven’ after being rescued from the White Walkers by the eponymous ‘Children’ of the Forest, and his plot line is starting to gain some clarity. Jon Snow’s in mourning over the death of his red-headed slam piece. Stannis Baratheon is riding high after decimating the Wilding army and basically saving the asses of the Night’s Watch as they were on the brink of demise. And last but not least there’s Daenerys Targaryen (Dany, Mother of Dragons, Misha, Khaleesi, whatever you want to call her). She just made one of the dumbest moves in ‘Game of Thrones’ history by locking her two dragons (Viserion and Rhaegal) in the dungeon of the pyramid that she is currently inhabiting in Mereen.

‘Game of Thrones’ Season 5, Episode 1: ‘The Wars to Come’ Recap

But you remember all of that, right? Just like it was yesterday? Pfft, what am I thinking, you probably all watched and re-watched every episode of last season tens of times leading up to the Season 5 premiere of ‘The Wars to Come’. So let’s get into it by recapping the WINNERS and LOSERS of Game of Thrones‘ Season 5, Episode 1 ‘The Wars to Come’.

WINNER: Cersei Lannister

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HBO


The Game of Thrones Season 5 premiere opened up with a FIRST for the show: it was the first ever ‘flashback’. In this flashback we’ve got a young, and already massively bitchy, Cersei Lannister harassing some sort of woods witch. Being the massive bitch she is, Cersei shows up in this witches’ home, calls her boring, tell her how much she sucks at being a witch, and then demands to know her future because this witch is living on ‘her father’s land’.

Typical Cersei, just walk into a room and start bossing people around and living off the laurels of your relatives. She’s never done a goddamn thing for herself, she’s never taken power by force. She’s either slept her way into power or been placed their by her recently deceased father, Tywin Lannister.

But after cutting her hand and paying the witch her blood toll, Cersei gets to ask three questions of the soothsayer. In this line of questioning the young Cersei gets slapped around with cryptic answers, some of which she likes and wanted to hear, other information…not so much. Here’s what young Cersei finds out:

1.) She will never marry the Prince to which she was betrothed but she will get married.

2.) She will be queen. But one day she will be supplanted by a younger, prettier queen. In this situation I think it’s obvious to assume this upstart queen is Margaery Tyrell, the woman who was betrothed briefly wed to Joffrey (thank the heavens that prick is dead), and who is now betrothed to Cersei’s youngest son Tommen, who is next in line to be King of Westeros. Based on the prophecy Margery Tyrell is going to completely ruin Cersei’s life and Cersei will be left with nothing.

3.) Cersei will only have THREE children, but I think we already knew that. After letting her twin brother spill his seed into her womb for an entire lifetime, Cersei gave birth to Joffry, Myrcella, and Tommen. All blonde-haired pissants who look just like their incestuous parents, and nothing like the father who the world believed was their sire: Robert Baratheon (deep, dark features). In the same question Cersei also finds out that Robert Baratheon will father TWENTY children…all bastards.

So what makes Cersei a ‘WINNER’ in this week’s episode? It’s pretty fuckin’ obvious, isn’t it? SHE’S INVINCIBLE NOW.

Cersei knows her future, and everything that will happen down the road. From that moment forth she could navigate life like a goddamn hurricane and not a single person could get in her way, because her future had been foretold. And even though there’s a shit storm at the end of her tunnel, in theory all she has to do in order to stave off her life unraveling is postpone Margaery Tyrell from becoming the Queen of Westeros. So methinks this is going to be a huge plot that’ll unravel throughout this season: Queen Regent Cersei Lannister doing anything she can to delay the inevitable.

LOSER: The Realm

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HBO


As big of a prick as he was, Tywin Lannister was a GREAT ruler. He knew how to keep both the aristocracy and the poor folk happy. The great Tywin Lannister spent his entire life serving the King of Westeros, from the ‘Mad King’ (the last of the Targaryen’s to rule) to his own grandsire Joffrey. Then he met his end after being shot by a midget while dropping a deuce. So why’s the realm at a loss? Tywin Lannister hasn’t even been laid to rest and already his two twin children are scheming to kill his third. And the realm has no GOOD ruler, at least not one that’s poised to actually sit the throne.

If you were to ask me who should rule Westeros I’d say Stannis or Daenerys. Both of them make the best claims to the throne and both would make great rulers in King’s Landing. Instead the citizens of Westeros are going to get stuck with a pre-pubescent Tommen Lannister who will be manipulated by his mischievous wife-to-be Margery.

Cersei and Jamie seem to have already accepted the fact that the power their family possesses could disappear in an instant, and their father was the man keeping that power intact for generations. So they’re basically tweaking out now….Which pretty much is the same reaction the realm is about to have. Much like Winter, chaos is coming.

WINNER: Tyrion Lannister

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Helen Sloan/HBO


I’m going to level with you bros: I am a reader of the books. I’ve read each and every one of them, which in the past seasons has given me a leg up in doing these recaps. However, this season the plot line is expected to surpass the content from the books, so we’ll all be on a level playing field of information. So from time to time I might mention where something deviates from the books, that way you know what to look out for. For instance: Varys ‘the Spider’ is traveling with Tryion to Pentos (one the lands in the East). In the books it was some fat cheese monger. I like this plot line a whole lot better though. In this new plot line with Tryion and Varys traveling together across the Narrow Sea we get two badass characters together whereas in the books there was only one.

Why’s Tyrion Lannister a winner when he’s living with the grief of having just killed his own father and the woman he loved? Well, for starters he’s alive. If he stayed in King’s Landing his head was going to get chopped off, and the Halfman would be no more. So every moment he’s alive is one in which he’s stealing time from the faulty plan. He’s also getting hammered on the reg, which seems like a pretty fun way to go through life.

LOSER: The Unsullied

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HBO


When that scene first started I wanted to laugh at that dude for paying a whore to cuddle, but then I started feeling pretty badly for him. I get it, every guy needs a little love. And some guys are only capable of getting that love and affection by paying whores. So here I am thinking ‘this is actually quite a nice moment’, and then the ‘Sons of the Harpy’ show up and slit his fucking throat. Bloods spewing everywhere, all over the bed, the prostitute, and Daenerys Stormborn’s dead Unsullied soldier, who just seconds ago was a member of one of the world’s most elite armies.

If a man can’t pay a hooker to snuggle with him without fearing for his life then who can he turn to for TLC? Daenerys obviously has a pretty difficult shit storm on her hands now, as there are faceless assassins running around Mereen (the city she is occupying) killing off her soldiers, and there’s really nothing she can do about it.

WINNER: Littlefinger

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HBO


After marrying Lysa Arryn, the ruler of The Vale, and promptly killing her off by pushing her through the ‘Moon Door’, Littlefinger inherited a truly obnoxious responsibility in the form of the young Robin Arryn, her son. But as we see here Littlefinger has brilliantly pawned young bed-wetting Robin off on some lord who serves The Vale, and now he and Sansa Stark don’t have to deal with one of the worst characters on the show for (hopefully) a VERY long time.

TAGSGame of ThronesGame of Thrones recapGame of Thrones Season 5TV recapsWinners and losers

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Page 2 - LOSER: All Of Us
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