Between Netflix, premium channels like HBO and Showtime and cable networks like AMC and FX, TV shows have gotten A LOT better. But just because there is great TV doesn’t mean you have time to, or even want to, watch it all. Too bad, because people who do watch all these great TV shows will constantly tell you just how great they are. Spoiler alert: They’re really great!
Here’s a conversation I’ve had 500 times.
Them: Do you watch (insert HBO, AMC or Netflix show)?
Me: Naw, I haven’t seen that one yet.
Them: Whaaaaaaaaaat? It’s so amazing. You HAVE to watch it.
Me: Yeah I heard it’s good.
Them: If you know it’s good, why don’t you watch it?
Me: I’m not sure. Just haven’t gotten around to it.
Them: What’s your favorite show?
Me: I really like The Sopranos-
Them: Oh then you’d definitely like it!
Me: Yeah I’m almost positive I would.
Them: If you know you would like it, then why haven’t you sat down and watched it?
Me: Just haven’t done it yet.
Them: What are you doing tonight?
Me: Probably just watch a couple episodes of Seinfeld–
Them: Sitcom reruns? Ugh, come on! Did you know Jerry lived in NYC and didn’t even have any black friends? Not very realistic.
Me: OK.
Them: You need something that makes you think like (show title). There is a character named (some pretentious name nobody would ever give to a human baby) who is a (Zombie, Ad Exec or Serial Killer) but with a (heart of gold, special healing power or early onset dementia). There’s also tons of sexual tension between (Zombies, Ad Execs or Serial Killers and their adversaries). Such an interesting dynamic.
Me: Cool.
Them: Wait, you’re not one of those people without cable right?
Me: I have cable.
Them: Because if you need somewhere to watch it, they have viewing parties at (random Irish Pub desperate for business).
Me: I’m not really in to going to a bar and watching TV with 40 strangers.
Them: Oh, too good to hang out with your fellow man?
Me: I like to relax and watch TV at my own place.
Them: I get ya. Well, next Sunday, I’ll come by and we can just buzz through the (however many episodes have happened). It will only take (anywhere between 1 hour and 4 days).
Me: No way in fucking hell. Peace out.
[Editor’s Note: Seriously, though, if you’re not watching True Detective you’re not doing life right.]