Which issues should the candidates hone in on in order to secure the Bro vote? Well, here's a few of the utmost importance in honor of “The Campaign,” the hilarious political comedy in theaters now!
The drinking age
Any voter under the age of 21 can cast a vote to decide the future of this country, but is prohibited from legally knocking backs couple of light beers. If a candidate hopeful really wants to sweep the baby-faced vote, knocking that age down to 18 would work wonders.
Bros are accident-prone. That’s no secret. So there’s got to be a safety net for when their feats of athletic prowess go horribly wrong. There’s nothing more American than putting yourself in a risky situation and then demanding someone fix it for you for miniscule cost.
Look, a dude’s got to be able to buy his fast food and his 30-packs. If there’s not money left over for things like that, what, pray tell, is the point of living?
Give us more casinos, and give them to us now! In addition, let sports betting become as acceptable and illegal as helping an old lady cross the street. Giving Bros yet another reason to spend on sports equals instant likability.
The reasons behind fluctuations at the pump are numerous and complicated. What guys know is that they don’t like forfeiting an arm and a leg in order to fuel up their muscle car. Tell us a politician promising gas at $2 a gallon wouldn’t get elected.
I want more like this!
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