Lindsay Lohan Is Now Available for Weddings and Bat Mitzvahs

by 5 years ago

Alright, now come back to me in 2012. And read this story.

Facing money woes, a staggering tax bill and alleged delinquency on her storage locker full of personal possessions, is Lindsay Lohan’s scrambling to make some cash?

A talent company claiming to represent the troubled actress wants us to know their client is available for weddings and Bat Mitzvahs.

Page Six received an email pitch from 123Talent with the subject line “Book One of Hollywood's Biggest Movie Stars Lindsay Lohan Now!” offering us the opportunity to request the presence of Lohan herself at whatever event or venue.

In bright pink lettering, the email reminds us that “Not only is Lindsay an Actress but she is also a Fashion Designer, Model and Recording Artist.” Perhaps adding “Jail Bait” didn’t have much of a ring to it.


Because I'm a cultural imbecile, I didn't know that Bat Mitzvahs were a thing, and I thought the New York Post had made a typo and meant to type “Bar.” This makes sense, I thought. If anyone can appreciate Lohan, it's kids first going through puberty.

Luckily, we have a Jewish person who works here, and who told me that, no, you Southern idiot, Lohan is only available to be booked for 13-year-old girls' parties. Which makes no sense.

5:17 PM me: bat mitzvahs are for girls?
 Lance: yep
5:18 PM bar is guys, bat is girls
 me: anything different go on at them?
 Lance: bar mitzvahs are almost exclusively nba themed
  and bat generally revolve around some unrealistic dreams of being a dancer and/or attractive person
5:19 PM me: so why would lindsay lohan make herself just available to bat mitzvah's if it makes more sense for 13-year-old boys to appreciate her
5:20 PM this is the crux of the problem i'm having here
 Lance: ahh
5:21 PM i mean
5:22 PM it could just be some incompetent people behind the thing who don't know the difference
  i agree
  doesn't make sense to go to bat mitzvahs
  not a solid role model, and girls can't actually like her
5:25 PM me: but it's safe to say that this is a bad career move
Lance: yes


Some free advice, Lindsay: Open yourself up for Bar Mitzvahs too! The partygoers there will fully appreciate your gifts. And it'll help your continued quest to legally pay back that Charlie Sheen debt.

TAGSLiLoLindsay Lohan

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