Which Is Scarier: The New Trailer For ‘Rings’ (The New ‘The Ring’ Movie), Or This Awful Haircut From When I Was Six?


I’d love to tell you that the trailer for Rings is so scary I pissed myself uncontrollably and spent the next 40 minutes hiding in a closet. Problem is, if I told you that I’d be lying. Not only does this trailer look like another lame-ass PG-13 horror movie made solely to capitalize off Halloween, but even if it weren’t PG-13 it would still look awful.

For one, all you have to do to not get merk’d by Samara is pass on the video to someone else. That’s it. This bitch has got a whole WEEK to hit “forward” on a stupid email video and she can’t even handle that. You’re telling me that yanking a mile-long clump of hair out of your stomach is preferable to sending a “Reply All” to a chain letter you got a few years ago? You don’t know those people (anymore). They’ll figure out what the deal is eventually.

And on the off chance you have a conscience, so what? Explain what the deal is to your friend, then spend the rest of your lives sending a spooky email back and forth to each other. Can’t find a friend and don’t have an old chain mail? Fine. Find the grossest person imaginable off Craigslist and send it to them, POOF! Problem solved and conscience is clear.

If you watched the trailer and had the same train of thought that I did (i.e. this movie looks dumb and very not-scary), here’s a picture of myself from when I was in second grade:

Now tell me…which one is scarier, the photo or the trailer?

Rings comes out October 28th, 2016.

[H/T Uproxx]