Unlike apparently everyone else under the age of 30 in this country, I never watch the MTV Movie Awards. Why bother? The highlights are always online the next day and honestly, who cares? Why do people watch award shows? They’re very rarely funny, have a 5,000 : 1 commercial break to actual content ratio and really only serve as a circle jerk for famous people to be like “Oh my gilly weed goodness, here is yet another trophy awarded to me for starring in a movie! I donated to zero charities, am a closeted anti-Semite and secretly buried the corpses of 12 children I’ve murdered in my back yard, but none of that matters because my newest film TOTAL ACTION: EXPLOSIONS, MUSCLES AND CLICHÉ DIALOGUE was appreciated by the 10-year-olds who are the only people to actually vote in stupidity contests like these. Thanks!”
That’s not to say that The Rock doesn’t help out with charities – he’s genuinely a celebrity who cares about his fans and does work with the Make-A-Wish Foundation – but for fuck’s sake, you know the awards show you hosted sucked fat dick when the only “buzz” around the ceremony was, well…about your big fat dick. Specifically speaking, people won’t shut up about the giant cock bulge The Rock was rockin’ on Sunday night:
WARNING: THE BELOW VIDEO IS AWKWARD, NOT FUNNY AND MAY CAUSE RETINAL BLEEDS:
Introducing the "Dark Chocolate Knight" of the #MovieAwards, everyone. https://t.co/ukqcNM1PgQ
— MTV (@MTV) April 11, 2016
Yikes. Never in my life have I wished for a stray fart to cut the tension more than I did while watching that clip. Luckily for The Rock and Kevin Hart, it seems like no one was paying attention to this fail as everyone was stuck on The Rock’s bulge:
https://twitter.com/miamomma2/status/719416713729740800
https://twitter.com/jackbaradawg/status/719318609709785088?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw
Not looking, but is it impossible not to notice the HUGE bulge on the Rock? NOT THAT I"M LOOKING! 😜#MTVMovieAwards pic.twitter.com/dZb22WIcx8
— DJ Greg Cyp (@DJGregCyp) April 11, 2016
I'm too much of a pervert cause I'm only looking at the bulge #TheRock #MTVMovieAwards
— Daisy (@roverlovesdaisy) April 11, 2016
https://twitter.com/_HMBossss/status/719318690328637440
https://twitter.com/TheErinHendrix/status/719318651673919488
https://twitter.com/LukeRomesberg/status/719317478761971714
https://twitter.com/ughjeanri/status/719318986379243520
the Rock's bulge in this Superman costume is very distracting
— 🙂 (@beepyboopus) April 11, 2016
https://twitter.com/scmcntha/status/719318849401831424
@KevinHart4real Oh the cutest lil #Batman ever!! #superman the bulge is off the charts tho @TheRock
— lauren fernando (@lauz_76) April 11, 2016
[H/T Buzzfeed]