7 Convincing Reasons Why Satan Could be a Bro
He Was The Angel of Music
Yep, back in his freshmen days, Lucifer, The Morning Star was actually in charge of music in heaven. He directed the flow of music up there in the clouds and probably threw the sickest parties with all kinds of exposed Angel titties as far as the eyes could see. It was an old school toga party. Sounds like a bro to me.
The Inventor of The Sandwich Worshiped Him
There isn't a bro out there reading this that can deny for a single second the pure, unbridled bliss an amazing sandwich can bring into your life. Hell, if I could I would ask every sandwich I eat to meet it's parents to prove my long term commitment and love. The love a bro has for a sandwich is powerful. The Earl of Sandwich John Mantagu was a pretty crazy bastard. Among his crazy habits, was his undertaking of Satan worshiping. Luckily, Satan's a bro and used his devilish powers to inspire Montagu to create the sandwich.
The Devil Is Freaking Hilarious
What bro here hasn't had a drunken moment where they found themselves pissing on some bush outside. Well, some folklore suggests that when Lucifer was kicked out of heaven he fell onto a blackberry bush and pissed all over the berries. Michaelmas holds that you should not pick blackberries after October 11th, since that's the day The Devil golden showered that berry bush. Too funny, The Devil!
God Killed Waaaay More People in The Bible
Satan gets kind of a bad name from that little book called the Bible. Again, proving Satan is a bro… the Bible talks of God killing 2 million people. Satan, on the other hand only killed 10 folks… and it was to win a bet with God. Satan doesn't want to hurt anybody, but if you call him out and make a bet with him… he'll see it through in true bro fashion!
A President Named a Dog After Him
One of the highest honors in all of brociety that can be awarded to a bro, is to have a badass dog sharing a name. The Lord of Evil made it into this prestigious group. Former President John Adams had a dog roaming the halls of the White House and his name was Satan. That's right… Satan probably pooped AND got laid in the home of The President!!! That's pretty bro if you ask me.
Lucifer Has Mad Haters
A true bro travels on his adventures through this world doing his best to be cool with everyone who deserves it. This kind of behavior can birth insane amounts of haters. Satan's got haters. A man even once brought a lawsuit to federal court blaming Satan for his entire life being a failure. Satan, came out on top of the case, brushed the dirt off his shoulder and continued doing badass Devil stuff!
He's Been Challenged to a Fistfight by a Crazy Man
As bros wonder through the Earth on their bro quests like Frodo trying to get to Mordor, we make friends along the way… and we also make enemies. And sometimes those crazy adversaries will challenge you to a fistfight in a parking lot. Well, this happened to The Devil one time. The guy who did the music for 'The Passion of The Christ' claims that Satan kept messing with his musical instruments and computers. Out of nowhere, this crazy son of a bitch challenged him to a parking lot brawl over it. Satan, kept his cool and of course walked away from the maniac!
Satan, let me be the first to say you're my bro and I got your back buddy! Ignore the haters and keep doing your awesome devil stuff, duder!
Check out Andy Green every Monday on 101 WRIF's Dave and Chuck The Freak!