Ron Swanson Teaches How to Grow His Moustache
In his new memoir, Paddle Your Own Canoe, Offerman say a good moustache signifies all that is right with masculinity. According to an excerpt published by Vulture:
A moustache carries with it a little bit of derring-do. You’re the kind of guy who will come barreling up doing a power slide in your pickup truck and then give a girl a wink. You know your knots. You know what to do with beef tallow.
I don't have a moustache and had to Google “beef tallow.” It's rendered beef fat. Now that you know why that, Offerman gives you his six-step method for growing the moustache that's become synonymous with manhood.
1. I don’t shave my lip area.
2. After two weeks, I have a passable moustache, in the form of long, luxurious stubble.
3. I continue to eschew the razor.
4. After three to four weeks, my whiskers have developed to the point where I can play a sheriff who is so tough that he eats nails, but still not Swanson.
5. I refuse to shave.
6. After five weeks, the whiskers growing from just beneath my nostrils have extended down, wirelike, to reach my top lip, a distance of one full imperial inch. Now, and only now, may I don the pleated Dockers and thick, long-sleeved knits of Pawnee’s director of Parks and Recreation with confidence and authority.
Movember is coming up, Bros. Let's all do the Swanson.