SNL’s Pete Davidson Skewers Hulk Hogan Over Pocketing $140 Million For Banging His Best Friend’s Wife

A quick Google search informed that Jenna Jameson has made $30 million in her illustrious porn career. In a mere 7 minutes, Hulk Hogan pulled in five times that amount and the video was shot with the production value of The Blair Witch Project. One hundred and forty million dollars for fucking your best friend’s wife. The justice system is a drunk motherfucker.

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Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.