10 Brain-Munching Things You Didn’t Know About Zombies
Dogs are mankind's cute, cuddly and loyal best friend. They are there to hang out when none of our human friends will. They make for some of the most hilarious and endearing moments on Youtube. Yes, they are a wonderful little slice of the existene-pie. That all changes of course when they are infected by a zombie virus that gives them the urge to snack on human flesh instead of Snausages. 2005 might have been the year our upcoming Zombie Apocalypse started, when scientists at the University of Pittsburgh reanimated dogs that had been dead for 3 hours, creating living mentally disabled “Zombie Dogs.”
OH F*CK… ZOMBIE CATERPILLARS!
When it comes to the creepy crawlies of our world, spiders, centipedes and other unfortunate creatures are already quite creepy enough. Zombifying those creatures would make Satan himself go “DUDE, what the f*ck?” Caterpillars however aren't as terrifying on their own. That changes when they become zombies. There is a virus that infects caterpillars and turns them into zombies. These zombie caterpillars climb to the tree-tops, where they die. They then liquefy and when it rains, their oozy carcasses bring the zombie disease down on other unsuspecting victims.
Utah Citizens Have Been Ready For The Zombie Apocalypse Since 2000
Utah, without zombies, is a pretty terrifying place. You've got high amounts of Mormons runnin' around out there. As we all know, the only thing scarier than a zombie… is a Mormon zombie. Although Mormon zombies might be safer since they would probably ride their bike to your house, ring the doorbell and ask to talk to you about maybe eating your brain. The citizens of Virgin, Utah passed a law in 2000, that requires citizens without histories of violence or mental illness to own a gun and PLENTY of ammunition. ONLY go to Virgin, Utah IF zombies chase you there, though.
The CDC Takes The Threat of Zombies Seriously
In an episode of “The Walking Dead,” our favorite wacky gang of survivors ends up at the Center for Disease Control. It is there that we learn more about the zombie virus that plagues that show. The actual job of the CDC is to keep society prepared to withstand as many different kinds of biological treachery imaginable. They are extremely thorough and actually have a section dedicated to preparation for a zombie apocalypse.
161 Types of Zombie Fungus
Up until this point, fungus had always seemed pretty cool. Psychedelic mushrooms have helped to expand many a bro-mind. Mario has a great relationship with fungi and chicken marsala is goddamned delicious. In zombie realities, the cause of the outbreak is typically a virus… but it's looking more and more like a fungus will be responsible if the dead rise again. Science has recently identified 161 different types of zombie fungus. Nothing makes a mushroom trip go south quite like watching dead people eat your friends alive.
Even “Star Wars” Has Zombies
“Star Wars” has been in the news recently due to Lucas selling the rights to the franchise to Disney. Many casual fans of 'Star Wars' are most aware of the continuity in the movies. There is an entire expanded universe however that is even more lavish than the one in Lucas' films. In fact, in the book 'Death Troopers' a zombie disease snags some Stormtroopers and all kinds of wackiness go down. Zombies AND stormtroopers together ensured the fate of many a nerd, who now have absolutely no chance of getting laid.
That Wasp Does What?
Wasps are nasty little bastards. They fly around making their incredibly scary nests and painfully stinging people. They are nature's equivalent of the IRS. One species of wasp takes it's level of dickery to a whole new level. The jewel wasp actually stings insects in the brain and injects it's venom. Unlike most venom… this doesn't kill it's victim. The venom actually turns it into mind-controlled zombie. The wasp rides it's victim like a steed back to it's nest and then let's it's larvae feast on it… ALIVE!
The Verdict is In… If Zombies DO Happen… We're all Pretty Screwed
The zombie reality is a harsh one. Filled with tons of hopelessness and despair. Despite this theme, you always keep hope that the survivors will keep surviving long enough for a cure to be found. The truth of the matter is, if zombies do go down WE ARE COMPLETELY F**KED! Researchers say an actual zombie attack would leave society in a cloud of chaos that we wouldn't ever escape, unless it was dealt with almost immediately and very harshly.
Harvard Knows About Zombies
Understanding zombies isn't exactly the number one thing on the science community's mind right now. There are bigger fish to fry at the moment. That fact doesn't keep brilliant minds from tackling the subject, however. One Harvard Psychiatrist has actually taken the time to truly understand how zombie neurology would work. Let's just hope this guy doesn't accidentally trigger an onslaught of voracious cannibalistic corpses. That would be a bummer.
The Egyptians Believed in Zombies AND Had a Sense of Humor
The ancient Egyptians are one of the most fascinating societies to ever inhabit the planet. They have built amazing structures that still baffle many an educated mind today. The Egyptians had their own concept of zombies. Horus, the Egyptian god of the sun was very important to the Egyptian Belief system. His father was also a zombie… with a golden penis.
Like gettin learned up? Check out these other articles by Andy about stuff you didn't know!