20 Must-Have Items Every Bro Needs to Survive the Summer
SB 2013 (Spring Break 2013 for any of you nerds reading this) has come and gone and it’s time to plan for Summer. Its time to start sending those texts to rekindle the fire with your home town girl and the best way to lock it down early? “Yo, lets go camping this summer!” “Omg, that sounds so fun, you’re like super outdoorsy, right?” Bam. In the bag.
Now, as for that sleeping bag you got in 5th grade for the “Wilderness Retreat” (yes, we all had that one guy who just repeatedly blew it trying to sing Kumbaya)…it's time to upgrade. There’s not a chance in the world that both of you are going to fit in that little green cocoon. Check out this list of 20 pieces of gear you’ve gotta have this summer.
1. Double Sleeping Bag
You’re looking at the sliced-bread of double sleeping bags.
You’ll likely be the only person you know with this bag because, realistically, the only people who would buy something like this are Bros and those who need to buy 2 seats on an airplane. That being said, you can choose to keep it for yourself, or share the love like Thad graciously did with his Pocket Pussy.
No, it won’t turn you into Curt Morgan, but that doesn’t mean you cant get some epic shots with this new GoPro. When you get the camera set up on your helmet, be sure to reach out to other bros to make sure everything is in working order and the red light is indeed flashing, it’d be a real buzz-kill to miss your buddy French-Frying when he was supposed to be Pizzaing.
3. Monarch Camp Chair
This thing is incredible. Easily the most comfortable camp chair I’ve ever sat in, and it packs down to the size of a Nalgene. It’s like roasting your mallows from the driver’s seat of the new Mercedes G63.
4. Jet Boil
If there was such thing as Iron Chef: Middle of Fucking Nowhere edition, this would surely be the go-to among contestants. You could probably cook an entire meal in less time than it would take you to realize that Limp Bizkit is a total jabroni after hearing him for the first time in your life. So like 5 seconds. Give or take.
The Neo-Air is without a doubt the closest thing to a portable waterbed you’ll find anywhere. The only place the waterbed and the Neo-Air lack similarity is in the “water” aspect of the mattress. In fact, this blow up mattress doesn’t use a drop of water, but it is a hell of a lot more comfortable than sleeping on the ground with rocks jabbing you in the ass.
6. Gerber Knife
One night when Daniel Boone and Bear Grylls were kickin’ it, pullin the bottle, killing raccoons, etc..they came up with this awesome knife design. This beast can cut through pretty much anything except for steel, diamonds, and titanium. So an apple cuts up pretty easy. Use the stock sheath if you like, or go kill a mountain beast, sleep in its carcass for the night, and then make your own from its hide.
A fluorescent corduroy snapback with an 8 point stag embroidered on it? Thrift shop gold. Minus the thrift shop.
One of the few times where it might be a good idea to throw a whaling cap on the ol’ gherkin. No 7-11’s in the middle of the wilderness to get that morning after pill.
If you’ve ever had the urge to send it off a 50 foot waterfall in a tiny little boat, look no farther. Your body will be broken in half leagues before this thing shows any signs of wear and tear.
Tryin to get piped? Why not look good doing it? I can already see you guys on the cover of Surfer Mag with a huge caption “You know, it’s hard to be on top.”
11. Frogskins (photo at the top)
The younger brother of the OG RayBan Wayfarers, Frogskins have become a staple of noble hosses everywhere. If you would rather ski naked down Vail Mountain than sit on your thumb all day, these are for you.
12. Lightweight Pull
You may not need it while lounging by the pool, but for those of us who don’t live in a place where it stays 100 degrees 24 hours a day, the Synchilla is a game-changer for cool summer nights. Not too many acceptable frattire pullovers come stock with a dope frocket either.
On most bro’s sex-bucket-list, we see places like airplane bathrooms, glass elevators, cop car hood, etc…But what about a hammock? Don’t worry, the thread count is high enough to keep all the seams in tact, even when you’re really demonstrating your best work.
Unless you live under a rock, you know that a tent is a pretty standard piece of gear for a Bro looking to conquer anything from the backyard to Kilimanjaro. Providing you’re not trying to stake down during Superstorm Sandy, this bad boy will have your back through rain and shine.
If you watch the extras on LOTR: Return of The King, you’ll probably be able to spot Legolas rockin one of these after a long day slaying orcs with his other quiver. Ergo, if you’re trying to look like a total badass while simultaneously keeping your premium brews (Busch, Natty, etc..) at a refreshingly cool temp, be sure to cop one of these.
16. LL Bean Boots
LL Bean has been a proud partner of Bros everywhere for years. And you can sleep easy knowing that these are hand-sewn in Maine, rather than by some 7 year old in a Chinese sweatshop. You’ll look good, and chicks will dig your “social consciousness”.
17. Patagonia Shorts
Another quality piece from Fratagonia. The Baggies/Sperrys combo will take you from zero to hero, and once you’re a hero, you’ve got a much better chance at slaying Kate Upton or Sloan from Entourage. Just sayin.
18. Reef Sandals
They might not open your beer for you like the ones you had in 7th grade, but due to the incredible asses of all reef girls, we feel obligated to continue supporting Reef and everything they stand for.
Laird Hamilton, a clear favorite for induction into the Bro Hall of Fame, made a name for himself shredding waves so enormous, just watching the action on YouTube may make you start tingling. When he’s not getting pulled into octuple overhead waves (yes, that’s like double quadruple overhead) this legend can be spotted on his stand up paddleboard. Do it like Laird.
20. Rain Jacket
Unless you are looking to trek it through the Sahara, its probably a good idea to have a solid Rain Jacket in your wardrobe. Nothing is worse than climbing into a sleeping bag feeling/smelling like a wet dog. Not even having your dentist sneeze into your open mouth.