10 New Findings from Sex Studies Reveal Spike in Number of Positions, Partners
From the University of Indiana study:
People are becoming more inventive in bed.
Of all the people (surveyed) who f*cked in the last month, there were 41 different positions used in the bedroom. One person even claimed to attempt a maneuver called the Master Chief. Which means that when you're f*cking her from behind, you pull out and replace your dick with a frag grenade.
85% of men believe their partner climaxed during their most recent sexual tryst.
Conversely, only 64% of women said they actually did reach org*sm. When told they've been lied too, 100% of men said they don't care.
91% of men over 50 said they did not use a condom during casual sex (i.e. with an acquaintance or a date).
This explains why STDs are running rampant at The Villages retirement community in Florida.
40% of people say they have had an*l sex.
This is a rise from 20% to 25% recorded in the 1990s… when staying in the closet was a popular choice. Just putting that out there, it could have affected the findings, not that there is anything wrong with that.
79% of the time, teenage boys used a rubber during the last 10 times they had sex with a girl.
Teenage girls only reported using a condom only 58% of the time, concluding that even from a young age, women are reckless hoes.
60% of men (under the age of 70) have jerked off in the last month.
The other 40% of the men surveyed must be paralyzed from the neck down.
And what did we learn about cougars from the other survey? Keep reading…
From the Brits' study:
Women in their 40s have better sex now than during any other period in their life.
Aren't cougars fantastic? Sadly, however, they may also be morons.
Of the women in their 40s, 68% said the better sex is attributed to their own self-comfort and finally knowing what position they prefer.
Yep, it took these idiots 40 f*cking years to become comfortable with themselves and figure out what positions they most enjoy. You believe that shit? It takes most of us all of 6 seconds to figure out what we like.
Of that 68%, a whopping 50% of them are not even afraid to ask their husband to perform in that ideal position.
The other 50% are on suicide watch.
And finally, the average woman over 40 had five sexual partners in her life compared to nine for women in their 20s and 30s.
This is interesting because it not only means women our age are bigger hoes than ever before but it also means that cougars are safer to f*ck. Assuming they haven't been with a man over 50.