Bikinis Galore in This Week’s Hottie Index
5. Heather Morris
Celebrities will never learn. Somewhere there’s a guy just b*tch slapping all the famous females out there by breaking into their phones. He probably isn’t getting his hands on them physically, so he must be cracking into them through some technological prowess. This week it’s Heather Morris’s physical prowess; although she’s a bit of a butter face, her naked body will give you a reason to get physical with your hands for a few minutes. She’s had some sexy pictures out there before, but now her puffy n*ps are a reality. In other good news, chicks always wish they were celebrities, so remind them of their favorite actress next time you ask them to send you some shots.
4. Mo Isom
Every year I’m reminded that I should’ve tried to be a college football kicker. There are so many schmoes out there who can’t make manageable field goals and extra points. Isom, the goalie of the LSU women’s soccer team, apparently feels the same way. She decided to give it a run, but got shot down by coach Les Miles this week. Maybe Les felt his team would never score anyway after watching the National Championship game this year. (Wasn’t Alabama the team who needed the kicker?) At least Isom has her sweet-a** looks to fall back on.
3. Selena Gomez and Vanessa Hudgens
Two is always better than one, especially when it deals with young, virile females. Gomez and Hudgens are combining to film a movie called “Spring Breakers.” It seems to involve bikinis, robbery, drugs, and Spring Break. The only problem is this movie will likely be geared as a PG flick to rope in the girls’ fanbases. Let’s get this sh*t to rated R, so we at least get some nudity, even from some third rate co-star if not from the main actresses.
2. Ashley Hart
Any male with a pulse and a p*nis knows who Jessica Hart is. The Sports Illustrated Swimsuit model has gotten her share of work in the last few years. Not surprisingly, her sister Ashley is pretty too and doesn’t have a gap in her teeth. Ashley was parading around the beach in Australia this week and caught many a photographer’s eye. Her popularity will likely increase after this, which hopefully doesn’t make her so popular that she ends up with that that gap as well.
1. Candice Swanepoel
Italians aren’t ones to shy away from nudity. That’s why Vogue Italy have no problem printing Victoria's Secret model Swanepool flashing her n*ps in this month’s issue. I could definitely do without the bangs, a hairstyle that has unfortunately resurfaced from the '80s. I will, however, suck it up to get through all her pictures.