As men, it’s easy to convince ourselves that we’re prepared to spend time with one of the most famous super models in the world without having a panic attack. Even if she was Sports Illustrated Rookie of the Year. Even if she did appear on the 50th anniversary cover with Chrissy Teigen and Lily Aldridge. Us men have a confidence and chutzpah that we can take on the world, and I never want us to lose that. Ever. Blind assurance is what makes our penises grow a few inches. At least in our eyes, and we’re the only person we’re going to die with so that should be the dominant voice.
But then you get invited into a baller NYC studio to watch a 23-year-old Denmarkian (is that the right term? IDK. Translation: She’s from Denmark) supermodel who makes the hottest girl in your college look like a 4, and things change. Your confidence is no good here. It’s like having having stock in Blockbuster Video.
But, as we do, we represented–we walked in in slow motion, completely underdressed but not afraid of grabbing a few finger foods off the table–and watched photographers blow Nina’s Agdal’s hair while they photographed her in nothing but an Edge Shave Gel bikini that would make Varsity Blues’ Darcy Sears blush. I’m not sure any of us spoke for seven minutes.
Afterwards, Edge Shave Gel blessed us with the exclusive opportunity to interview Nina and ask her some questions that likely peak the interest of bros everywhere–Tinder, first dates, man buns, cargo shorts, etc. She described to us her perfect guy–confident, clean shaven (yo Nina, can we swipe some of that shave gel?), and down for spontaneity. Granted, We almost walked out of the damn place when she admitted to not knowing what cargo shorts were, but then she said she’d probably swipe right to me on Tinder and TOTALLY REDEEMED HERSELF.
In summary, if ya’ll are looking for a date with one of the planet’s hottest supermodels, all you have to do is cut off your man bun, shave off that stubble, throw on a pair of cargo shorts, take her skydiving, and not shit yourself. Easy as pie. Good luck.
I think it’s time for me to shut up now. I’ll just leave these here.