Fall Back into This Week’s Hottie Index with Selfies Galore

By 09.08.13

Dakota Johnson

People got excited when they thought Emma Watson was getting naked in the movie version of “50 Shades of Grey.” She had to speak out against the rumors to clear her name and now we’re left with Johnson in the main role. And while she’s no Watson, we still wouldn’t kick her out of bed. She’s got a bit of Sharon Stone in the face and has no issue showing off her body like stone either based on this casting.

Scarlett Johansson

Are you a French journalist who enjoys art and 90s rap? No? Well then your chances of landing Scarlett Johannson were very slim (There were probably pretty slim anyways, but that’s beside the point.) Johannsson has locked herself into a life of sex, love, and baguettes by getting engaged to Romain Dauriac. I spent too much time working on my accent over the last two years that I guess I missed out. At least the dude is a fan of Slick Rick.

Tania Mehra

Poor Royce White can’t even get on the basketball court despite being a first round pick of the Houston Rockets. His mental illness has plagued him enough to prevent that. Now he’s being accused of smacking around Mehra, his then-girlfriend. Mehra made it to the pages of Maxim, so she’s not a complete unknown. White probably spent as much time on her as he did on accepting the Rockets demands to get him to play. His career is going to shit and his sex life seems to be on the same path.

Jennette McCurdy

Some people use Tinder. Others use more formal forms of internet dating. Andre Drummond uses Twitter. Dude grew up with a huge boner for McCurdy during her time on iCarly and the dream has now turned into a reality. It helps that he’s a professional basketball player and his popularity encouraged McCurdy to take his advances over Twitter seriously. Dick Vitale would call this a serious M&Mer with Drummond being 6’10” and McCurdy being 5’3”. That definitely has its benefits when it comes to Drummond’s ability to toss McCurdy around in the bedroom. Maybe she can help him work on his free throws too.

Christina Aguilera

Celebrities seem to gain and lose weight as often as us regular people. It just becomes more noticed when it’s chick who’s on TV all the time. Aguilera looked like a cow as recently as October of last year and now all of a sudden she’s looking like a real vixen on the cover of Maxim. Guess that whole “tired of being a skinny, white girl” thing didn’t work out. There’s no excuse to get fat as a celebrity. You can work out every day. You don’t have office hours. Get your shit together like Aguilera did here. Otherwise your career will suffer. Those are harsh words, but tell me I’m lying. Aguilera ain’t got the pipes of Adele.

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