Girls Reveal How Many Sex Partners They’ve Had And Their Numbers Pale In Comparison To Your Mother’s

The general rule of thumb when talking about sex partners depends entirely on the gender. Typically, men add five to their count to portray themselves as more alpha, while women subtract five to maintain their sense of purity and avoid being labeled skanky. It is an egregious double standard rooted in the perception that men’s sexual endeavors require work, charisma, and striking good looks while women’s sexcapades are viewed as over-indulgent because most men would literally have sex with a mannequin if it had a hole. NBA legend Wilt Chamberlain, a lifelong bachelor, became lauded by many after claiming he had sex with over 20,000 women in his lifetime. Your mother’s number was comparable to that and she gets shamed and Scarlet lettered. Tell your mother I’m sorry. And I want my sweatshirt back.

P.S. The biggest fib of the video was when Porsche revealed she only has had sex with five dudes. It is required, by law, for every woman named Porsche to have sex with an entire football roster. Those are the laws man. I don’t make ’em.

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.