Today You Learn Gwyneth Paltrow Sits On A Throne And Lets Hot Steam Into Her Vagina To Cleanse Her Uterus

By 01.30.15

How else would one cleanse a uterus? You can’t just jam a toilet brush up there and swirl it around, maybe after you dipped it in some Mr. Clean Tidy Bowl. No, that would not clean the inside of your vagina very good at all.

To get a super clean vagina, you gotta let hot steam in there. Like a good carpet cleaning (ENTENDRE MEANT!).

Anyway, Gwyneth Paltrow, as you know by now, is a super hot, filthy rich, completely insane sociopath with a web blog. Her demented life is our reward.

Because we are treated to things that no average person without wealth and a firm grounding in reality could ever conceive of, such as sitting on a throne and steam cleaning your uterus.

Had you ever thought of steam cleaning your uterus? No, because you are not an insane wealthy person.

Tikkun is the next level when it comes to Korean spas, combining high-tech far infrared heat with traditional Korean sauna therapies. So, if you want to lay down in a Himalayan salt brick tiled sauna, or sit in a Hwangto clay room, you get the added benefit of far infrared heat.

We’re burying the lede though, because the real golden ticket here is the Mugworth V-Steam: You sit on what is essentially a mini-throne, and a combination of infrared and mugwort steam cleanses your uterus, et al. It is an energetic release—not just a steam douche—that balances female hormone levels. If you’re in LA, you have to do it.

YOU HAVE TO DO IT. You don’t. I swear you don’t.

In case you are wondering, mugwort is not as bad as it sounds. It’s just a type of herb. Bummer. I hope Gwnny was putting some really crazy shit in her vagina. But nope, just hot steam.

So, you know what to get your lady for Valentine’s Day. A hot vaginal steam.

[Via UPROXX]


TAGSGwyneth Paltrow

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