Nooooooooooooo: Jennifer Lawrence Is Dating Chris Martin from Coldplay
Soul-crushing news, Bros: Jennifer Lawrence, coolest chick in Hollywood, is allegedly dating Chris Martin, the frontman for Coldplay. There is no rationale explanation for this, other than that Martin is probably thirsty for some A-list tang after cutting it off with Gwyneth Paltrow. That’s just what famous folk do. via E!:
Jennifer Lawrence and Chris Martin are seeing each other, multiple sources confirm to E! News. We’re told that the pair has been spending quality together since late June after the Oscar winner split with her X-Men costar Nicholas Hoult.
The Coldplay frontman and ex Gwyneth Paltrow announced their separation after more than 10 years of marriage in March. The two made the announcement on the Oscar winner’s website, Goop, with a post titled “Conscious Uncoupling.
BLAH. Coldplay sucks. Actually, let me say this a little more emphatically: Coldplay’s lame U2-wannabe bullshit fucking sucks. I think I hate Coldplay more than The Dude hated The Eagles. My irrational hatred for that shitty British band lingers from my youths, when the people who gravitated towards their shitty pop music were too idiotic to appreciate Radiohead being a far superior band.
Just look at how punchable this face/lyric is:
Coldplay: The official band of mouth-breathers everywhere. Even so-called “basic” bitches have better taste in music.
You can do better, J-Law: