Keys To A Successful One Night Stand

by 5 years ago  •  6 Comments

When it comes specifically to New York City, springtime happens to be the season for most of the babies being born. But when you rewind, you’ll see that the end of spring and the summer happen to be the season for One Night Stands.

So for Guys and Girls looking to score that forgettable evening this year, here are some tips that just might make you lucky…

-Alcohol…..Alcohol….Alcohol….

    This is the key to any evening. Guys & Gals, if they aren’t pretty before a shot, that can easily be fixed by quickly knocking back a few of your favorite liquor. Currently, Clique Vodka, is a rising choice among young professionals.

-Wingmen / Wingwomen

    Behind every great hookup is a friend that helped. The key to escaping with a Douchetacular hookup is having a friend willing to take out the roadblock. Like a sensual ninja, you need someone who has just as low of standards as you do…Preferably lower.

-Rule #76 – No Excuses, Play Like A Champion

    A one night stand is a full commitment, you CANNOT back out. Not only is that frowned upon, but your future illegitimate child will be offended.

-Who said Mothernature was a cockblock?

    The crimson wave should never be seen as a “STOP”….It is merely a detour, a caution flag, a perfect reason not to wear a rubber. Anyway, you are avoiding having to worry about a child.

-There is NO home field advantage

    You should never take someone back to your home. Always suggest to go back to their place or that you want to “Spice it up” in a public setting. You’ll avoid stalkers AND seem like you care.

-Sympathy Cards DO work

    Your grandmother just died. Your significant other just cheated on you with your best friend. These one liners sometimes do not even need a backstory. If you don’t feel comfortable with improvisation, study some great 90s movies and you’ll have easy access to pleasure town.

-Treat them like shit

    Cavemen had the club, the 70s/80s had Rohypnol, Travolta had “Grease”, and now you have the ability to tell someone you want to sleep with, just how stupid they are. It is as easy as telling them their parents should have adopted instead. Insults before compliments.

-Lie…..

    It is what separates us from the animals. You can be whatever you want in the bar scene. An astronaut? A professional athlete? Captain Planet even said, “The Power Is Yours”.

If you can utilize any or all of the following, there is no doubt that you will have a successful summer. These are god given and should not go to waste. Thank me later.

*Sexually transmitted diseases are strong possibilities and I am not to blame for any accounts of Herpes, Hepatitis, Syphilis, or that one that starts with a G. 


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