Quick question before we begin. What would your reaction be if Brazil’s 2015 Miss BumBum contest winner kept sliding into your Instagram DMs with pictures of her wearing your high school football jersey and seductively showing her award-winning booty?
For a frame of reference, this is Miss BumBum contest winner, Suzy Cortes.
https://www.instagram.com/p/BEFTHPBJNgS/?taken-by=suzycortezoficial
https://www.instagram.com/p/BD9gVyrJNvn/?taken-by=suzycortezoficial
https://www.instagram.com/p/BD4iNvmpNla/?taken-by=suzycortezoficial
I’d tell you exactly what you’d do. You’d do exactly what I would–text all your boys a screenshot, spend 8 minutes convincing them you’re not fucking around, drain your bank account to fly her first class to where you are, and in the meantime, go into your room, lock the door, and turn your ceiling into a glazed donut.
But unfortunately brah, you or I are not a multi-million dollar soccer icon with loyalties that lie with a girlfriend and kids.
According to The Sun, Suzy Cortes claims that Barcelona forward Lionel Messi and his “jealous” girlfriend blocked her on Instagram for bombarding Messi with sexy pictures of herself in his jersey.
Cortes claims that Messi’s 28-year-old girlfriend Antonella Roccuzzo (pictured with him below) has nothing to worry about, citing that she is just an avid fan of Barcelona and the overreaction was “unwarranted.”
Suzy’s laughable assurance that she’s just a “fan” didn’t stop her from throwing shade at Roccuzzo, who Messi has known since childhood.
“I was completely shocked when I spotted it,” she told The Sun. “If I could, I would tell her not to be worried about me, I’m just a fan. I’m surprised that she isn’t more sure of herself.”
Cortes, who allegedly has a history with dating soccer players, took to Instagram to bury the hatchet with a topless photo calling Messi’s snub “unpleasant.”
https://www.instagram.com/p/BEYbAhhJNue/?taken-by=suzycortezoficial
If Messi had any stones he’d work the threesome angle. And film it for our viewing pleasure.
While we wait, here are some bonus pics.
https://www.instagram.com/p/BD16e3epNhA/?taken-by=suzycortezoficial
https://www.instagram.com/p/BD16G4KJNgV/?taken-by=suzycortezoficial
https://www.instagram.com/p/BDmMLL2JNg2/?taken-by=suzycortezoficial
https://www.instagram.com/p/BDj3-_-JNvu/?taken-by=suzycortezoficial
I guess there are worse problems to have.
[h/t The Sun]