Imagine you’re at the Future concert in Austin, Texas, chilling with the homies, maybe smoking a couple marijuana cigarettes. Possibly guzzling two or four Colt 45s. Nice and lubed up. And that’s when you see her. Mia Khalifa is within ear shot of you. The woman who has taken up hundreds of hours of your free time and tarnished countless tube socks is 3 feet away, or in porn terms, one Lexington Steele penis.
Impulsively, you whip out your penis phone, open the camera, and attempt to snap a selfie. That shit will undoubtedly make you king of the group text for the entire summer. Right after you snap the photo, you feel a debilitating blow to your right eye. The roles have been reversed.
Mia is irate. She feels violated. You never asked for consent. And you paid the price.
Well, that’s exactly what happened to Jared, known on Twitter as @FourthTigerClaw, and he posted the aftermath to his Twitter handle (which has since been protected).
Jared, who was duped into believing that Mia’s relationship with his was as intimate as his with her, has been getting dragged on Twitter for neglecting to ask for permission, like countless others have–evidently.
https://twitter.com/modest_maya/status/879185587999318016
https://twitter.com/A_M1LL1/status/879465279960559616
The tweet picked up so much steam, Mia herself chimed in to shame the thirsty bro.
You were the sweetest. Thank you for asking me nicely rather than jumping in front of me while I was walking & shoving a cam in my face https://t.co/1fQK0B5gSi
— Mia K. (@miakhalifa) June 26, 2017
P.S. 10/10 this guy whacked it to her when he got home. All’s fair in love in war.