Poor Porn Star Mia Malkova’s Favorite Vibrator Died

by 3 years ago
mia-vibrator

Mia Malkova

For those of you who don’t know who porn star Mia Malkova is … what the hell are you doing with your life? Stop what you are doing right now, most likely your job, and go back to your house and pull up some internet pornography websites and watch some videos of this yoga practitioner who decided to have sex on camera for our pleasure. You won’t regret it.

When you get back to work, just be honest.

“Well, I was reading about this new porn star and figured I’d go home and masturbate. It’s cool.”

That’ll go over real smooth. Nothing to worry about. So while that will be a happy day for you, because any day you leave work to masturbate is a happy day, it is a sad day in porn star Mia Malkova’s world.

For her vibrator died.

Being a woman is hard. The Hitachi Wand reaches speeds of up to 6,000 rpms, which — while that sounds nice — seems absurdly unnecessary. Female orgasms. Imagine not being able to jack it anywhere at any moment. (That actually is one of the drawbacks of polite society. Tbh not a fan).

What were we talking about? A porn star tweeting about her vibrator dying? Modernity is weird. Here’s the new one she wants, which you can buy her yourself, because in 2015, while you can’t masturbate anywhere in public, you can purchase new vibrators for your favorite porn stars through Amazon Prime.

What a world.


TAGSLifemia malkovaporn starvibrators

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