Study: Performing Oral Sex on Women May Lead To Throat Cancer

by 7 years ago

New findings suggest that oral sex is likely to increase the risk of throat cancer in men. How the f*ck is that even possible, you say? HPV, baby! Sweet, decadent HP-f*ckin'-V. The one disease we thought couldn't hurt us. Well, as it turns out, men are no longer just a carrying case for the bullet, we too can be at risk if we unknowingly dine at an all-you-can-eat muffet with serious health code violations. Nothing can ever be easy, can it?

Doctors are now saying that the shift in the way we have sex — partners-o-plenty (high five) — is causing this new, and very deadly, epidemic for younger men. And all this time I thought eating vag was my way of giving back to society. I should have known better since I've always said no good deed goes unpunished. But I digress…

One oncologist at Georgetown, Dr. John Deeken tells ABC News, “There's a lag in information, we physicians have done a poor job of advertising the fact that boys and girls should have the vaccine. This kind of cancer traditionally affects males who have been smoking and drinking all their life, and now in their mid-60s they are getting head and neck cancer. However, HPV cancer we are seeing in younger patients who have never smoked.” Thanks for admitting your negligence, I'm sure some former patient, with a gaping hole in his neck, will be suing you soon.

HPV cancer of the neck and mouth certainly isn't new, but two decades ago, 20% of oral cancer was HPV related while today that number has inflated to 50%. And men seem to be the ones at the most risk with 85% of those affected having dicks.

If you give a f*ck about this or you can't imagine a life void of c*nt licking, go get vaccinated. If you don't, just eat your Wheaties or use this as an excuse to never munch box.


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