Taylor Swift Devolves Further Into Undateability, Adopts Second Cat

By 06.19.14

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Woman of your dreams Taylor Swift is slowly, before our very eyes, turning into the girl of your nightmares.

That’s because at the young age of 24, Taylor Swift has already adopted the mannerism of a 66-year-old woman. You know the type. The kind who had a brutal divorce at 34, never fully recovered, and spent the subsequent three decades wallowing in her own misery. And collecting cats.

Don’t believe me? Tay’s just a fun girl, you say. A little lonely, but otherwise normal. She can’t date because she’s on tour all the time. So what she adopted a second cat? Finding companionship in animals is okay in my book. It’s no different than you having a dog.

Well, to that I have one thing to say: she named her cat after a character in Law & Order: SVU.

Gents, meet Taylor Swift’s new cat: Olivia Benson.

If that is not the action of a woman already committed to life as a spinster, I don’t know what is.

I do hope Olivia and Meredith get along, though.


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