The 20 Greatest Moments in Breast History

by 7 years ago

Playboy

We are an online generation, but your father, a man whom you've never seen pick up a book or even read another magazine in his lifetime will forever hold on to the claim that he only has a stack of Playboys in his desk drawer because he loves the articles. O.K. sure, and the sticky spot under your desk is what? Spilled glue? White out?

Victoria's Secret

Our ladies can pick up a bra almost anywhere, but that doesn't mean all bras are going to rev our man parts. Victoria's Secret changed the game: they're goods reek of sex and they convey that very message using some of the hottest women on the plant. Top that, Burlington Coat Factory.  

Baywatch

Whoever wrote this show was a creative superstar but the man that casted it was a f*cking God. Boobwatch was a revolving door for voluptuous women. You had Pamela Anderson, Yasmine Bleeth (pre-caved nose), Carmen Electra, Gena Lee Nolan, Erika Eleniak, and Donna D'Errico, just to name a few. The creators even knew to add one bull dyke with a butch hair cut to make the rest look that much hotter. Well played, sirs. For some nostalgia. see below.

Saggy Tit Jokes

Everyone knows a chick, whether from high school, college, work, or maybe she is even your girlfriend, that has the sloppiest b**bs known to man. And, every time anyone brings up her name or has anything ill to say about her someone will always chime in with, “Do you know what is between Colleen's tits?” And then, before anyone has an opportunity to respond he'll shout, “her belly button!” An eruption of high fives and people muttering “oh, yeah, those must be gross” will then commence.

Christina Hendricks

Speaking of saggadelic tits, Hendricks' bulbous yams remain such a gelatinous mystery to the outside world that she has to be on the list. I'm not so optimistic about her; I think those things unleashed are hitting the floor and I also fear she has chocolate-brown areolas that are the size of yamakas. {pagebreak}

Hooters

I'll never forget the first time my father brought me to Hooters: Their inedible cuisine didn't just give me food poisoning but I shit blood as well. Despite that, I've been back because you've got to admire a company that hangs its hat and all of its success on larger-than-average tits. That right there is the American dream.

Low Cut Shirts/ Halter Tops

They offer us both a hearty helping of cleavage and the occasional nip slip. These are great to see at the office, ladies.

Nip Slips and Jayne Mansfield

?From Janet Jackson to Tara “Snaggle Tits” Ried to good ole' LiLo, nip slips are a good time for all. And we have one otherwise talentless lady is to thank for all that. Jayne Mansfield?. She was the first actress to perfect the intentionally exposed n*pple move in public to gain publicity. As you can see by the tit envy plastered all over Sophia Loren's face, Mansfield's breasts served her well.

Bikinis

An obvious trailblazer in the world of breasts, bikinis are not only flattering but they make you never want to trust a chick on the beach who is wearing a one piece. In fact, if a chick isn't wearing a bikini she is either sucking in her c*nt gut, concealing an outtie, or she was in a horrific fire as a child.

Premium Cable Channels

Just as it has waterboarded print media, the Internet has slowly killed the need for premium cable, soft-core adult entertainment. Back in the 1990s, however, you couldn't turn on Cinemax late at night without seeing some straight-to-VHS breast-laden movie about extramarital affairs.{pagebreak}

Pasties/Titty Tassles

Does anyone think a BroBible company trip to Lake Havasu to party and handout BroBible logo pasties is in order? I generally never try to suck my own dick, but even I cannot deny the greatness of that idea.

Topless Pools/Beaches

Let's see, why in the world would these places be awesome? Truth be told, for every hot chick with her tits flapping in the summer's breeze, your eyes will likely have to endure five ugly chicks that need to lower their self-esteem.

Countless Monikers

Unlike most other body parts, you have the ability to name breasts virtually anything (anything at all) and your friends (if not retarded) will immediately know what you are talking about. You can even dress up the normal words by using animal names that are so nonsensical they make sense. “Hey Bill, you see gorilla tits over there in the corner?”

Strip Clubs

Titty bars are titty bars, not much else to say. But, if you ever find yourself at Delilah's in Philly, do yourself a favor and try their food. It's delicious. Their motto should be “Come for the tits, stay for the penne vodka.”

Implants

Making flat-chested women beautiful since 1895.{pagebreak}

Dolly Parton

I don't even want to imagine what she looks like nekked or without gallons of paint on her face but you can't talk tits without paying homage to quite possibly the most famous set the world has ever known.

Internet Porn

Long gone are the days when you shamefully masturbate to breasts that you find appalling. The internet has provided us with a take-your-pick type of market place. Whatever brand of palookas you want to see in action, you got.

Titty Fucking

Is awesome.

Salma Hayek

If I could physically do it, without getting cottonballs, I would love to perform the above item on her luscious breasts — while she curses at me in Spanish — for hours.

Mammograms

I wasn't sure whether to add this or not but here is my logic: This is a post in support of Breast Cancer awareness (albeit an irreverent one) and on top of that, mammograms allow us the ability to continue loving healthy titties for years to come. So yea, keep on keepin' on, mammograms.


TAGSBoobsBreast Cancer AwarenessBreaststitswaffles mcbutter

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