We all enjoy a good male gross out comedy. There are the moments where we laugh our asses off and there are the moments where we cringe. Then, there are the moments where we do both at the same time. Whether laughing or cringing, and based on their ability to rock the box office, it’s obvious we can’t get enough of the damn things. Part of the reason is because they follow a very distinct set of rules to ensure a good deal of entertainment throughout. These are the Ten Commandments of the Male Gross-Out Comedy.
Photo credit: YouTube/Universal Pictures
X. Thou Shalt Land An Attractive Female Despite Thine Own Appeal
The beauty of a movie written by men for men is that a Jonah Hill can land an Emma Stone or an Adam Sandler can nail a Brooklyn Decker. Below average to average guys get to cheer on their peers as they live the dream on the big screen. The male gross out comedy is the magical world where, despite your looks and/or position in society, you’ll eventually end up with a woman who is way too attractive for you.
IX. Thou Shalt Get Wasted
This commandment is number two on the list of priorities in any of these films. After getting laid, of course. But it usually precedes any of the characters getting any action. John Belushi’s portrayal of Bluto in Animal House set the bar incredibly high for his successors, but if he were still around today, I think Bluto would give the fellas from The Hangover a huge thumbs up. Then follow it with a kegstand.
VIII. Thou Shalt Resurrect A Career
Mike Tyson in The Hangover. Neil Patrick Harris in Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle. Saddam Hussein in South Park. Leave it to the male gross-out comedy to pluck someone the world has pretty much written off for good and toss them back into the spotlight for a second go-round. Two out of the three people mentioned above made it into a sequel. Not a bad record for the comebacks.
VII. Thou Shalt Have A Disgusting Encounter With A Bodily Fluid
Whether it’s period blood on your pants (Superbad), man juice in your beer (American Pie), or spooge mistaken for hair gel (There’s Something About Mary)… you better believe that if you find yourself in a male gross-out comedy, there will be an unpleasant discovery followed by heavy vomiting in your near future. At the very least, be sure to expect a little dry heaving.
VI. Thou Shalt Leave The World With A Catch Phrase To Be Overused
Every male comedy comes fully equipped with a plethora of catch phrases that are hilarious at first… then comes the six months after the movie’s release when everyone on the planet is saying things like “Shake ‘n Bake!”, “Alllllllllrighty then!”, or “Very Nice!” (and always in the worst possible Borat accent imaginable). It gets to the point where if someone shouts out a certain line (especially a Borat one), you just want to punch them in the throat.
V. Thou Shalt Have A Serious Mishap During A Sexual Encounter
You finally get a girl who is willing to sleep with you. It’s a good thing. The worst part is behind you… unless you’re in a male gross-out comedy. In that case, prepare to experience complete and utter embarrassment. You’ll either end up kicking the girl who happens to be licking your toes directly in the nose (The 40 Year Old Virgin) or suffering a little premature “evacuation” while your entire high school watches it on the Internet (American Pie).
IV. Thou Shalt Partake In A Sing-a-long Of A Less-Than-Masculine Song
It’s not a male comedy flick without a main character awkwardly breaking out into a song that most guys wouldn’t be caught dead singing in public. Think Michael Cera and his new coked-out friends singing “These Eyes” by The Guess Who in Superbad, Mike Tyson lisping his way through “In The Air Tonight” by Phil Collins in The Hangover, or Harold and Kumar finding it just too damn hard to deny how catchy Wilson Phillips’ “Hold On” actually is:
III. Thou Shalt End Up Making Out With Seann William Scott
Alright… This isn’t in every single male gross-out comedy, but it’s pretty damn close to it. I’m not sure what the deal is with the scripts that make their way over to Seann William Scott, but he seems to be the guy to go to for the awkward man on man kiss. His checklist includes Jason Biggs (American Pie 2), Will Ferrell (Old School), and Ashton Kutcher (Dude, Where’s My Car?). Unfortunately, I don’t think the guy is done making movies just yet, so I’m sure there will be many more to follow.
II. Thou Shalt Have A Bowel Movement of Epic Proportions
There’s no question about it… farts make us giggle. And the male gross-out comedy likes to toy with that thin line between funny and disgusting. So, you might find yourself poisoned with a laxative (American Pie, Dumb and Dumber), having a horribly-timed reaction to Moroccan food (Along Came Polly), or making a studio millions of dollars by painting your butt like a mountain to create a poop volcano (Jackass 3D).
I. Thou Shalt GET LAID
This is the tenth and final commandment. It is the driving force behind all the stupid stuff that guys go through in all of these movies: WOMEN. It really isn’t that much different than real life when you think about it. Who hasn’t made that ultimate bet with their friends ala American Pie or drove cross country in a giant dog-van with their idiot best friend ala Dumb & Dumber? Any one of us would lie through our teeth if it meant getting a shot at Brooklyn Decker ala Just Go With It. We will do anything and everything just to get laid… including having to go through all of the commandments above just to get there.
I want more like this!
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