7 keys to a successful one-night stand
Maybe your girlfriend just dumped you or maybe you haven’t had sex since the 90’s or maybe you’re just really horny. Whatever the case may be, WebMd claims that there is no cure quite as effective as the one-night stand. However all it takes is a few missteps to turn a successful one-night stand into an absolute disaster.
Photo credit: victoriapeckham, Flickr
7 Don’t acknowledge you don’t know her name
You just finished having the most amazing sex of your life and you realize you don’t even know her name. Danielle? Jessie? Thomas? Don’t ruin the moment by admitting you forgot her name. Combine hot, sexy, stuff, thing, and baby in any order to create a personalized and unforgettable nickname.
6 Don’t exchange information in the morning
So you’re leaving in the morning and you feel bad saying “see you probably never.” Instead of asking for her number and giving her the false impression you’ll call, locate the nearest exit and whisper goodbye before she’s even awake. If you feel guilty just leaving, tell her you’re married, and this can’t ever happen again.
5 Don’t go to brunch
Just because conversation flowed in bed (“harder,” “faster,” “I said donkey was my safe word”) doesn’t mean it will go as well over breakfast. Sitting at a restaurant trying to make small talk will only emphasize that you’re actually strangers. However if you’re feeling chivalrous, be a gentleman, and leave her a few dollars to grab herself an Egg McMuffin.
4 Go back to her place
It’s incredibly important that you make every effort to end the night in her bed. It’s much harder to come up with an excuse to leave early in the morning when you’re already in your own apartment. A foolproof way to guarantee that you end up back at her place is to tell her she’s welcome to come home with you as long as she doesn’t meeting your parents and sleeping in your bunk bed.
3 Keep it casual
No matter how many ways you did it, a one-night stand is not an appropriate time to begin discussing personal matters. Don’t extend beyond small talk about the weather and the time of day. If you exchange career information or last names, things have gone too far, and odds are high you’re going to end up with a serious girlfriend.
2 Don’t do anything weird in bed
On one hand you’ll never see her again. On the other hand she might just be a sex blogger who will share all the weird details, as well as your full name. Try your hardest to keep it normal by refraining from pulling out your collapsible whip and inflatable sex doll.
1 Use protection
Nothing turns a one-night stand into a shotgun wedding faster than an unplanned pregnancy. The last thing you want to do is spend all your hard-earned money on paternity tests and child support. Pulling out only works in red states where condoms aren’t sold without a prescription.