Many women suffer from a common disability that prevents them from ever saying what they actually mean. Trying to listen to the words coming out of their mouth, combined with reading between the lines, combined with deciphering all the words they’re shortening for no reason makes having a conversation a challenging mind exercise. Therefore speaking to your hook-up buddy, girlfriend, or mistress often leads to exhausting fights and screaming matches over stupid misunderstandings. Memorize these 7 common sayings and never end another night sleeping alone because “you just never listen.”
Photo credit: MadalenaPestana, Flickr
7 “I’m totally just looking to have fun”
She’s not lying when she says she wants to have fun. However in this context “have fun” means have a committed relationship and turn into the type of couple that sends out funny-face Xmas cards. So that’s why she gets mad when you choose to only communicate with her at 2 a.m by sending classy texts that say “wat r u up 2?” Avoid this confusion by telling her that you aren’t looking for fun in any shape or form, you’re just looking to have sex, straight-up no commitment sex.
6 “I’ll just have a salad”
She might just order a salad but that doesn’t mean she’s not craving a a blue-cheese-bacon-wrapped-double-cheeseburger with a side of onion rings smothered in full-fat ketchup. It’s more like she doesn’t want you to think she’s disgusting for eating solid foods. But eating a salad when she really craves more will only lead her to eye-fuck your dinner until you offer her a bite. Easily solve this problem by making sure to only dine at restaurants that don’t serve salads or sides of vegetables — such as the always trendy Popeye’s or heart-healthy KFC.
5 “I’m too tired”
Sure, sometimes women really are too tired to do anything crazy in bed. But other times they’re using tired as a euphemism for being crampy or bloated or even worse — unshaven. Unless you’re dating (paying for) a call girl, it’s pretty rare that a woman will just turn down sex. So save yourself some second-hand embarrassment by not trying to encourage her to hook-up when she claims shes exhausted. Instead help her feel useful in other areas by offering to let her cook dinner and/or give you a massage.
4 “Let’s go to the movies”
Perhaps she really does want to see the latest box-office hit sequel. But more likely she wants to spend time with you without having to force conversation and struggle to come up with small-talk topics. Watching a movie not only takes the pressure off of both of you to speak, but the trailers also offer an opportunity to whisper into each other’s ears “that looks good” or “Tim Allen is still making movies?” So take the next step in the relationship, put Fandango on speed dial, buy every possible concert ticket, and plan every date so that you never have to actually have a full conversation.
3 “I’m always on Facebook”
She’s practically begging you to read between the lines and friend her immediately – like get out your iPhone, pick up your Blackberry, plug in your desktop computer and click add friend. One of the first questions girls ask each other after meeting someone is “did he friend you” — so she doesn’t want to disappoint them (herself) by having to say no. If you’re feeling extra-generous then go all out by friending her, poking her, and sending her endless invitations to harvest crops together on Farmville.
2 “It’s totally not you, I’m just super busy with work now”
It is totally you. No woman (worth spending time with) chooses work over a man and you will only feel stupid if you wait around a few months until works “calms down.” So don’t embarrass yourself further by sending chain fwd’s to her work e-mail to cheer her up while she “works long hours.” Beat her at her own game by telling her that this is really awkward, but in your case, it is her, definitely her without a doubt, can’t blame yourself for her.
1 “I don’t mind when you play video games”
Actually it’s opposite day. She minds…a lot. No girl wants to watch you sit crouched over making sound effects noises while simultaneously telling her to shut-up every time she talks– just so you can concentrate. Improve your relationship by taking a short break every few hours and asking her easy no-brainer questions like “doing okay?” or “would you like to finish doing my laundry for me since you’re sitting there doing nothing.”
I want more like this!
Follow us on Facebook and get the latest before everyone else.