Besides obvious uses, such as getting yourself ridiculously drunk, drinking to pass the time, and adding social lubrication to your camping trip, party or daily life – beer’s awesomeness continues to know no bounds. Here are some splendid uses for beer you didn’t know about.
Mushrooms? Check. Chicken? Check. Pork or Beef? Oh you bet your ass, check.
The acid in beer dissolves more than just your liver; it also dissolves rust, allowing the enlightened beer-lover to do manly things like getting rust off of old bolts in order to loosen them.
Impart the flavor of beer unto both vegetables and shellfish by filling a pot with equal parts water and beer, and then bringing it to a rolling boil. We suggest clams, mussels, potatoes and shrimp.
You probably knew that beer bread exists, but what about beer and cheese fondue? And, bear with me here, what about dipping beer bread into cheesy beer fondue whilst sipping on a beer!? You, sir, have found nirvana.
Beer purists (read: snobs) might tell you that it’s NOT OKAY to do this, but if you follow that advice you’ll also have to refrain from ever drinking a Bud Light or Miller High Life again. I know; you just can’t do it. Check out some great suggestions for beer cocktails here.
Believe it or not, the acidity of beer makes it a good wood furniture and gold jewelry polish. Stale and flat is the way to go here (sorry if you were planning on sipping it while you worked).
You may not want to feed the front lawn your finest Hefeweizen, but when you’ve got some leftover PBR’s or the like, go ahead and put it into a spray bottle and mist it all over your grass. The acids in the beer will discourage harmful bugs from entering the area, and the sugars and yeast will produce nutrients and help keep the grass green and healthy.
For men, kidney stones are like your penis getting rock-pregnant and you having to birth that mineral-baby from your ultra-slim urethra. No man wants to pass a kidney stone. But, it can be an easier procedure with beer, which is a strong diuretic. So get super wasted, break that seal and hopefully you’ll pass out and piss your pants, ejecting the kidney stone in the process.
(Previously published on June 14, 2013.)