7 kick-ass beer cocktails to try immediately

by 5 years ago
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Rex Roof, Flickr

Let me start off by saying that we fully understand the appeal of taking a gulp of a nice, cold brew and feeling its prickly carbonation coursing down the throat as its yeasty, wonderful flavor permeates our very essence. But did you know that beer can be mixed with other ingredients? Before you accuse us of some type of beer heresy, take a look at these delicious, conversion-worthy concoctions that takes beer to new and intriguing heights. And if nothing else, at least you can piss off some beer purists with them.

Photo credit: Rex Roof, Flickr

What's in it?:
Besides a wondrous union of your adulthood and your childhood:
1-1/2 scoops vanilla ice cream (or vanilla bean flavor if you enjoy a stronger vanilla taste)
1 chocolate stout beer

How's it made?:
-Put a scoop of ice cream in a glass.
-Resist urge to cover with sprinkles and whipped cream.
-Pour your beer over the ice cream until it's almost filled to the top.
-Add a smaller scoop of ice cream.
-Cry happy tears.

What's in it?:
Sea salt
1 lemon, juiced
Tabasco sauce
Worcestershire sauce
1/2 tsp. soy sauce
1-1/2 cups Clamato (or just tomato juice if the thought of drinking liquid clam grosses you out)
1/2 bottle of beer (gotta recommend Corona or Modello Especial for this one)
A pinch'a'peppa'

How's it made?:
-Start this job with the rim, by wetting it. Then, press your glass upside down into a small dish of sea salt to coat the rim.
-Put your ice in the glass and pour your beer, lemon juice and soy sauce over it.
-Dash in some Tabaskee' and Worcestershire sauce to taste and throw in a little pinch of pepper for some extra bite.
-If you're feeling frisky, don't hesitate to bring your friend Jose to the party. 1-1/2 ounces of him, to be exact.

What's in it?:
1/2 beer (a pale lager or wheat beer would be great for this)
1/2 lemonade

How's it made?:
-This should be self explanatory, do I really need to write it out?
-Fine. You take any size pitcher or glass and fill halfway with beer and halfway with lemonade.
-Mix gently so as not to anger the gods of carbonation, then serve.

What's in it?:
2 cups strawberries (sliced)
1/2 cup sugar
1/2 cup lemon juice (1 lemon, fresh squeezed, ya lazy bastard)
2 bottles blonde or pale ale

How's it made?:
-Put your strawberries, lemon juice and sugar into a pitcher.
-Step back for 10 or so minutes and think about how giving beer the fruit and sugar treatment is going to make you less of a man, and whether it’s worth it. (Also, allowing the ingredients to sit will help them break down and meld together for maximum flavorage.)
-Add your beer and ice - holy shit, beer with ice!? - and stir that bad boy up.
-Take your first sip and wonder why you've never heard of or made this before.

What's in it?:
1/2 stout beer
1/2 champagne

How's it made?:
-First watch Christopher Walken’s SNL skit "The Continental" and study the way he pronounces "champagne," because it's hilarious.
-Add your stout first and your champagne right on top.
-Reflect on the wonder of these different types of alcohol finally coming together, as if they were lovers meeting at long last.

What's in it?:
3 oz. molasses
3 oz. port wine (since you aren’t an old British gentleman and most likely don't usually keep this stuff around, let me tip you off that "Ruby" port is usually the cheapest)
1-1/2 oz. Goldschlager
12 oz. oatmeal stout

How's it made?:
-Add to your overall classiness by going out and purchasing some of that port and a cocktail shaker if you don't already have one.
-Mix your ice, molasses, port and Goldschlager furiously (this is scientifically proven to mix it better than doing it "vigorously") in your cocktail mixer.
-Strain over a glass of your oatmeal stout.
-Unlike oatmeal raisin cookies, you won’t be wishing it was just a chocolate chip instead. It’s time to get dessert-drunk.

What's in it?:
1/2 hard cider
1/2 lager (a Stella Artois will do nicely)

How's it made?:
-Pour your chilled cider and lager into a glass together and drink.
-Remember to never search Google Images for the term "Snakebite," unless you've added "beer cocktail" to the end of it.

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