Cookie Dough and Marshmallow Crispy Oreos are the best thing since bacon

Twitter/Oreo

 

It’s not often I get excited about a new snack food, but Oreo’s orally orgasmic new flavors will make even the most ardent health nut twist, lick, and dunk.

Oreo has been cranking out cookies for over 100 years. Various flavors have come and gone, but never has their been so much hype around a release. That’s probably because they’ve never made something this awesome before. Sure, peanut butter and strawberry are interesting, but they don’t hold a candle to Cookie Dough and Marshmallow Crispy. The most impressive thing is that the flavored cream is spot-on.

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Colin Jolait

The cream in Cookie Dough Oreos tastes just like cookie dough and even includes chocolatey chips. Diary Queen is going to be pissed because Oreo just combined my two standard Blizzard toppings into one, taking 80 cents right out of DQs pocket. The flavor is so spot on that I actually put the cream in the oven to see if it would turn into cookies. In the least shocking news of the week, no, they didn’t.

Then you have Marshmallow Crispy Oreos. While they didn’t come right out and say it, the packing makes it pretty clear that they’re talking about a generic version of Rice Krispies Treats. There are small crisps in the cream itself, and they absolutely nailed the marshmallow flavor. If only they had consulted me beforehand we could be eating Rice Whisky Treats Oreos. Next time, Nabisco. Next time.

Oreo gave away 20,000 pre-release packs of the new flavors on Twitter last night, which you would have known if you had been following me (jerK). Luckily you only have to wait a couple more weeks before they’re on shelves nationwide. You’ll probably want to start running, CrossFitting, or starving yourself now because once they’re released you’ll be hammering at least 24 cookies per day.

My failed Cookie Dough Oreo baking attempt:

Colin Joliat