It’s free Slurpee day from 7-Eleven! Rejoice and get brain freeze! Here’s everything you need to know about how to claim your free Slurpee.
Step 1: Cut a hole in a box.
Step 1: Go to 7-Eleven between 11am and 7pm.
Step 2: Fill small cup with mixture of frozen happiness.
Step 3: Wait for 10 minutes.
Step 4: Finish Slurpee.
Step 5: Wait for 10 more minutes.
Step 6: Notice you’ve 20 minutes to save $1.
Step 7: Calculate you value your time at $3 per hour.
Step 8: “Pay”
Step 9: Re-evalute life choices.
Step 10: Grab 10 orders of Doritos Loaded; eat away pain.
The bottom line is: 7-11 aka Free Slurpee Day at 7-Eleven is the biggest scam on Earth. Not only is eight ounces woefully inadequate, it’s also not enough to warrant standing in line.
If you happen to roll by an empty 7-Eleven, by all means, enter. Grab a large and a small Slurpee, chug the free sippy cup, then then enjoy the human sized version as you leave. But if you see people waiting, move along. Spend the dollar tomorrow, and you’ll be even happier than you would have been getting it for free today.