How to look like a somebody at a Kentucky Derby party this weekend

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The Kentucky Derby is billed as “the greatest two minutes in sports.”

The race might be short but the day lasts forever — depending on when you start drinking and how well you hold your liquor. The third most important part of the Derby is the fashion. If you drink long enough, all of the close seem absolutely normal.

If you’re attending a Kentucky Derby party again this year, you’re going to need to dress accordingly. Here are some items to look totally fancy at this year’s party.

Straw Boater Hat with Red and Navy Striped Ribbon from Brooks Brothers

Aviator II from Ray-Ban

LunarGrand Longwing from Cole Haan

Betsy Ross Pants from Loudmouth

Flamingo Print Tie from Brooks Brothers

Slim-Fit Striped Cotton Blazer from Hardy Amies

Shot Flask

 

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Chris Illuminati is a 5-time published author and recovering a**hole who writes about running, parenting, and professional wrestling.