No, a porn star is not going to star in the ’50 Shades Of Grey’ movie

by 5 years ago

What are you, dumb? So I just got finished reading all three 50 Shades Of Grey books because I wanted to see what all the old ladies of America were getting so horny over. Dudes, those books are messed up. They’re basically written by a lady who has never actually had sex. We’re talking “a breast feels like a bag of sand”-level stuff here. But they’ve sold millions of copies and a movie is on the way.

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Hollywood has been abuzz on exactly what male actor has the charisma necessary to play Christian Grey, the sadistic romantic at the heart of the books. This is a dude who has to be able to pull off buying an entire publishing company for his girlfriend because she “likes to read.” Clooney-level at the very minimum. That’s why it’s incredibly stupid that people are even listening to gossip that male porn star James Deen is in contention for the role.

The rumor started with a Tweet from author Bret Easton Ellis, the writer most famous for American Psycho. Ellis has made no secret of his obsession with 50 Shades, Tweeting about it for months and agitating to write the screenplay. Ellis had previously come under fire when White Collar star Matt Bomer was bandied about for Christian Grey, complaining that the (openly gay) actor wasn’t right for the role… because he was gay. The author also agitated to be allowed to write the screenplay for the film, but was shot down. So now he’s pushing hard for Deen to be cast as the lead.

Ellis’s connection with James Deen is sadly obvious – the dick for hire is starring opposite Lindsay Lohan in The Canyons, an Ellis-written movie that was funded on Kickstarter and has already collapsed into complete disaster. He even plays a character named “Christian.” This is obviously an attempt to get press for that project by piggybacking on a successful media franchise, but let’s be serious here: I can count the number of adult movie stars who made the transition to mainstream media on one hand, and the male ones on one finger. James Deen is no Ron Jeremy (in more ways than one), and he’s got no chance in Hell at this part. Now maybe if they cast Ron Jeremy it’d be a movie worth watching.


TAGS50 Shades Of Grey50 Shades Of Grey book50 Shades Of Grey movieBret Easton EllisJames DeenLindsay LohanThe Canyons

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