Congratulations to you. She wants to do the damn thing, but there's something holding her back. What could it be? Most guys will just assume that it has to do with their own shortcomings. But don't get yourself down, because women are complex creatures and there are many reasons that could be behind her decision not to bang out softly and sweetly with you.
She may not tell you that that's the reason, but it's always a possibility. Has she mentioned that she's been head-achey or has some cramps? Has she excused herself to the bathroom a bit more than usual? Did she stab you at dinner? These are good indicators.
To quote one of my female friends that this happened to, "Unexpected sex has unanticipated consequences." Some women specifically believe that sex will NOT be happening on a particular night. But she's got a right to change her mind, doesn't she? We think so. So whether it's a burning bush of biblical proportions or just some leg scruff, keep in mind how embarrassed you'd be if you forgot to brush your teeth and your lady wanted a little tongue action.
I could literally write a whole educational thesis on this topic, but I'll spare you. Whether you think she is or isn't a slut doesn't make a difference with this situation, unfortunately. How well you can communicate to her that you're not going to view her any differently and that you're comfortable with whatever she's comfortable with will help, though.
Okay, we do have to touch on one reason it could be you. It's because you hesitated. Women turn on like an oven and off like a light. Men turn on like a light and off like an oven. So if you're basting an 8 lb. bird twice per hour for 5 hours at 350 degrees, how turned on is she? Wait, I forgot what we were talking about. Anyway, if you hesitate when making your moves she'll be able to sense your insecurity and that can easily ruin the outcome of your evening. Be firm with your actions, but mindful of her needs.
Some guys are very goal-oriented and will work hard to get into a girl's pants and then get the hell out of dodge right after because "mission accomplished." Other guys work hard to create a connection so he can eventually wife her up proper. But, whether it's the goal, the byproduct or an exit strategy, sex is often on a guy's mind. If you care about the girl you're with and get a sense of what her concerns might be, then a little patience will go a long way.
Sometimes you can tell how much a new girl likes you and then when she wants to take things slow it's almost like a logic hiccup in a guy's mind. But, try to keep things in perspective. The fact that she likes you enough to want to slow you down is a good thing and another situation where your patience will add a lot of value to the relationship.
Sometimes women withhold sex to put themselves in a position of power. If this is the case with your girl, then have a conversation about it so that a power struggle doesn't occur. Or just run for the hills.
Originally published on October 10, 2011.