7 red flags you’re dating a psycho girlfriend

By 01.15.12  •  20 Comments
Red Flags Dating Psycho Girlfriend

Psycho Girlfriend Image by Shutterstock

There are bunny burners and Marilyn Manson fans. But there are also nice-looking women who have a little (or a lot) of crazy in ‘em. Watch out for these traits of a potentially insane-in-the-membrane girlfriend.

Photo credit: Psycho Girlfriend Image by Shutterstock

7 She’s insanely jealous of Brooklyn Decker
If this potential girlfriend’s face turns a shade of magenta when Decker’s blonde hair (your Potential Girlfriend is a brunette, damn it) and ah-mazing ass happen to come up (she actually kind of asked who your celebrity crush was), chances are this woman’s insecurities are going to drive you mad — like she obviously is (her ass is great too, right? Plus, you know she doesn’t expect you to look like Jake Gyllenhaal). How many times are you willing to tell someone, no she doesn’t look fat or that she is, in fact, having a great hair day? Twice a day… maybe? No? Run along, then. Self-confidence can’t come from someone else.

6 Guys’ Nights infuriate her
Unless you’re stumbling home with puke all over your shirt and a mild case of herpes, no sane woman should care that you want to hang out with your dude friends some nights. Go, run forth with your wolf pack! Leave us to Sex In the City reruns and chattering about our periods with our fellow females while you watch the game and talk about big racks or whatever men do when they’re together. GF freaking out over these kind of casual outings isn’t normal — you shouldn’t feel guilty for having friends.

5 You suddenly have a lot in common
Sharing books, iTunes libraries, and picking up each other’s slang: these are all the great parts of being in a rad relationship. Sharing is caring! However, if she’s practically committing identity theft (i.e. she’s changed her baseball team allegiance, favorite food, and most listened to genre of music), back away slowly. Soon she’ll be hacking into your accounts and doing in-depth analysis of your tweets.

4 Her favorite topic of conversation is her father
Whether he “ruined her life” or is “the greatest man around,” hearing about Dad more than a few times a day could indicate many-a-problem. (Quagmire recommends hitting on women with daddy issues for a reason.) The pure fact of the matter is that everyone has a complicated relationship with his or her parents. But something bordering along obsession isn’t healthy, and probably needs to be worked out with time and a professional. Sometimes, men don’t need to be saviors, whisking away a woman from their father. This isn’t a developing nation and we can’t be traded with along with some cows. All you can do is be sympathetic, give guidance, and expect her to figure it out or get over her family drama so it doesn’t destroy what you guys could have. And if she’s like, positively obsessed with her father, you apparently have some mad competition.

3 She “hates” other women
You’ve heard it before, and you’ll surely hear it again, “I hate other women,” lady-friend says. “I get along better with guys.” Cue the internal alarm. So she has more dude pals. That’s fine. But for a woman to claim she “hates” other women? Not good. This line can be interpreted to mean one or all of the following: 1) Other women reject this girl because she tries to compete with them (i.e. she flirts with their boyfriends); 2) She only attracts awful women (and of course there are plenty of awesome, non-catty women out there, so she must suck at finding these people and/or loves the drama involved in having treacherous relationships; 3) She hates herself. To all the ladies reading this: Please stop saying you “hate” other women. It’s a disservice to everyone, including you.

2 She’s taking diet pills
These questionably lethal babies just make anyone bat-shit crazy. Even if it’s an “herbal” brand, attempting to boost your metabolism with a pill can cause some nasty side affects like restlessness and intense mood swings. Hence, the bat-shit craziness. It’s doubtful this would be something she’d be open about (and if she is, run). But if you start picking up hints that she might be consuming these suckers to substitute for food, realize she’s more in need of a therapist, not a boyfriend.

1 She’s outwardly stalking you on Facebook
Not only is her request to alter your relationship status from “single” to “in a relationship” lightning-fast, but she’s also made a snapshot of the two of you her profile picture the second you hooked up. Then she asked you, “Could you please do the same?” She just wants people to know you’re together. Once you give in, she tags herself in your pictures — pictures that she’s not even in — just ‘cause she also wants people to know what a huge part of your life she is.

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